not to cough.sputter.spew. my coffee.  My mind raced a million miles a minute as to how I was going to politely excuse myself from this task.  “Um- I’m so sorry.  You must have the wrong mom.  You meant Jane’s mom, the artist, right? Apparently you forgot you were getting stuck with KJ’s mom the accountant.  Creative= I’m OUT.”  But while my mind was racing she pulled up a picture on her phone and specific instructions about the poster she wanted.  I took a look and did some quick self-talk.  Before long I had myself talked down from the sweaty ledge and into a peaceful state of “Oh, you said create a poster, but what you meant was ‘Please set up and strategize a trace, cut, glue assembly process”.  Got it.  I’m back.  Totally got this.  Give me five minutes to think and I’ll have it figured out- and you can bet it will be efficient and effective to the max.  My happy place.

Several of you astutely identified the underlying issue with my need for “Free Dress Friday”. Some of you even commented “at least they are matching” or “they actually don’t look too bad” in their ALL RED, or ALL PINK or ALL BLUE. And I’ll admit- most of their outfits really aren’t the end of the world. They just happen to be a far cry the shirts with collars or plaid shorts or you know, spreading out the red a little- that I usually choose for them. 

I couldn’t pull a fast one on ya’ll…. now you are driving me to the point of confession. Because it’s true. What may seem easy, or even helpful for some- kids picking out their own clothes- is often difficult for me. In this post, I’ll come clean about the real “problem”. But  before I get to that, don’t forget to stop by my recent post about how you can support the TL 5th annual 5K– helping real people and real problems. Problems just slightly more significant than whether my children’s clothes match. Seriously. 

Ode to the tension

Welp. It’s true. I have a problem folks.
Some serious tension.
On one hand- I’m an accountant.
On the other- I have four small children.

I like control, order, structure, routine, schedules and spreadsheets.
They prefer to trample all of those keys-to-great-life-success.

Craft Cabinet my way

Craft Cabinet their way

Around about kiddo number 3 I learned that I’d have to make a choice- perfection or parenting.  While I realize now that “perfection” was never really an option, I certainly did hold on to the notion for quite some time.  I honestly couldn’t tell you when I became a bit more of the mom-of-four-small-children and a little less of the rule-following-perfectionist.  I know both are still there, both are an important part of who I am, but at some point I’d like to think I struck the balance.  A couple of weeks ago, I was at Leadership Training for work.  When the training facilitator found out that I work and have four children at home, she paid me the biggest compliment I could imagine- “Wow, you seem really laid back to have four children”.  She didn’t mean much by it, probably didn’t even give it a second thought.  She only knew me for a couple of days and never saw me interact with my children.  But it still meant so much.  If she only knew all that I’d had to release over the years.  If she knew the prayers I’d prayed.  If she knew the struggles I still have to strike a balance.  Then she would have known how deeply I appreciated those words.

Because it’s true-

I would prefer:
To never leave the house without everything in its place
To have all the books in the playroom sorted by genre, size and alphabetically by author’s last name.
To have all four children not only dressed neatly, but preferably in coordinating outfits every.single.day
And I’d love to have the house seasonally decorated by a professional around key holidays.

Don’t miss the missile coming at the pumpkin’s head

Love this three eyed pumpkin face

But I have four small children.
And they ensure:
I am much more excited about leaving the house with them- even if we leave behind a disaster.
I want to read with them more than I care about where the books live
I (occasionally) let go of what they wear and enjoy their self-expressions when they dress themselves
And I’m perfectly thrilled the my fall decorations (pictured in this post)
= create-your-own pumpkins on the front porch AND the back door fall gallery.

At least when they stick stickers they do it in a pattern

whats better than a pic of you & your bro taped onto the back door? one folded into a paper airplane, of course.

As I think about the hours (and hours and hours and hours) that the kids, especially Lou, have put in to decorating that back door.
As I think about the deep breaths I took when she first started taping “art” up.
As I help clean up the mess that trails behind as they cut, glue, fold, tear, color and CREATE.
And as I have forever captured in my mind’s eye the joy and excitement on their faces as someone new notices and compliments their work.
I realize.
Ya know what?
They bring out the best parts of me.
I’m so very thankful that this accountant
gets to be their mom.

Life would certainly be boring if I was just me, without them.
I’ll take the tension any day.

ABL

Today is a big day for me!
A day that according to my surgeons and doctors should never have been celebrated.

In 2004, I underwent extensive GI surgery hoping to eliminate the chronic pain I’d been dealing with related to Crohn’s disease.  At best, I was told, I might get 3-5 years of pain free living and even then I’d likely need medication to manage it.

It seems to me today that maybe they forgot to factor in HOPE.  They knew what they knew- but not what HE knew.  And boy HOWDY did He show them.

Because after:
One hike to the bottom of the grand canyon

Lots of half marathons (three while pregnant)

Four babies (three completely without medication).

And a ton of other fun…

9.  Nueve.  Neun.   Neuf.  Novem.  Nove.  Nau. NINE YEARS!!  

Pain free.  And not just that, but medication free as well.

Don’t be confused by this list of my accomplishments over the last nine years.  Join me in recognizing that there is not a single ounce of any of that I could have done.  Oh, sure- saying “it shouldn’t be” was great motivation for me to try (it is so strange that my kids have a stubborn streak).  But when I see this list, stare into those sweet faces, remember how far we’ve come…welp, I’m simply overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with praise for the ONE who provides beyond what we can ask or imagine.  The One who grinned at the thought of “maybe 3-5 years” and delighted in providing so much more.  

It has been officially confirmed.  My children are in the top 0.1%.
But being tops is not always all it is cracked up to be.

Don’t get me wrong.  I already knew I have some pretty AH-mazing kiddos. I mean seriously stellar. KJ’s reading level, in first grade, astounds me. He can read a story and really bring it to life. Cbug can do math in his head so quickly it makes my own head spin, counting by crazy numbers like 8 and doing simple division (he just started K). Lou’s nurturing instincts are off the charts, she can read people in a way that is wise beyond her years. And the way Tito says “thank you” is enough to make me wanna buy him a pony (nearly).

 When you get me started talking about my kids its pretty tough not to brag.  But all of this is purely based on my own 100% biased, cuz I’m their Momma, opinion. And I’m totally cool with that. I think my kids are the best, smartest, funniest, cutest, sweetest in the world. Because they are mine.

This week that all changed.  It is now absolutely official.  I have real scientific proof that my four children are in a category above nearly all other humans on the planet (or at least those tested by certain manufacturers of cleaning products). To be honest, I wish I didn’t have this proof at all- because it turns out, my 4 kiddos have germs that are more persistent than approximately 99.9% of all other germs. I know because I’ve used this.

and this.

and this.

not to mention a homemade solution.

All trying to kill the germs in our house that have resulted in nearly 3 weeks of stomach bug/flu. All 4 kids have had it. It comes and goes. But mostly comes. In three weeks, I think we’ve slept through the night twice without waking up to puke…or um, the other.

We are exhausted. Running low on patience. And I’ve cried plenty a “I must be a terrible mom” fit into my pillow. But that isn’t going to be where I stay in all of this. This stinkin’ bug remains, but it doesn’t get the victory at our house. If it lasts another day or another month (PLEASE LORD JESUS NOT ANOTHER MONTH)- it doesn’t win. satan (with a little ‘s’ even at the beginning of a sentence) would like nothing more than to use this trying time in parenting to rob me of my confidence, joy and purpose which is from The LORD. I’m convinced that sneaky rascal would like nothing more than to let this be about more than just a stomach bug.  he’d love to see a real battle.

As I kneel beside my children while they hug porcelain AGAIN. Or worse, as I kneel on all fours to clean up where they “missed”. that conniving devil meets me there. he’s whispering in my ear those age old lies to moms about being inadequate, not trying hard enough, failing, not employing every possible tool, comparing to other moms, etc. And today I’m choosing to remind myself…
I’M NOT LISTENING.
ABSOLUTELY.NOT.GIVING.IN.

Because I believe in a God who is bigger.  One who may love to surprise me, but is never sneaky or deceiving. One that doesn’t have to meet me in the bathroom. He doesn’t meet me there because He is consistent.  Walking with me all along. He is the one already with me as I’ve laid hands on my children each night, as I’ve begged Him to cleanse our home, as I’ve cried out in my sleep (or lack thereof), as I’ve spoken scripture over them, as I’ve longed for understanding and direction. And He’s the one who is with me when I don’t feel like doing any of it.

I feel quite certain that many of you have some genius ideas about how to fix this ole nasty stomach bug for us- and I’ll assure you… I’ve tried (or at least googled) 99.9% of them. But even if I haven’t. I’m gonna ask you to refrain from any “tips” on fixing this. Be mindful of my fragile Momma state and instead, today, will you simply join me in the REVOLT.  Join me in choosing hope in parenting, even over silly things like the stomach bug.

Join me in choosing laughter in these down and dirty Momma moments.  The ones you know will pass quickly (gross pun intended), but you still gotta work hard to find a bright side. Today, my silver lining is this:
If it could be cleaned, washed, thrown away, scrubbed, sprayed, or bathed…it has been.
More times than I can count.
Yet, those stinkin’ germs persist.
So at least we’ve got this going for us:
My kids (or at least their germs) are top notch-
in the top 0.1% of the whole wide world.
And now I have proof.

Hooray for us.

ABL

ps- stomach bug, you are now free to leave. officially.

Technically, it was EVERYONE’s first day of school.  All four were supposed to start their school adventures today.

But as is often the case when you have lots of small children, this day did not go as planned.

KJ and Lou both woke up sick during the night.
And since I was staying home with them anyway, Little Bear stayed, too.

Which means…

It stinks because he and KJ were SO pumped to finally be going to the same school again.  They’ve been counting down to this day.  And on meet the teacher night last week they were attached at the hip with excitement.

This was Meet the Teacher night.  Watch out world when these two DO get to arrive at school together.  Sheesh. (shockingly, the above photo shoot was completely unscripted)

Which is actually why in some ways, I’m glad Cbug got to fly solo this morning.
It’s funny.  I kind of feel like I’ve written this post before.  Could be deja vu, or it could be that it actually happened before. Like maybe the first day that KJ and Cbug were supposed to go to the same preschool.

Even without KJ, Cbug had plenty of silly to cover the fdos pictures.

While I would never EVER wish the last few hours on KJ.  Poor guy is miserable.  And I hate that he had the disappointment of missing his first day.  I sincerely do.

But Cbug is just a different kid when he’s forced to forge ahead alone.  He and I got to walk to school, just the two of us (well, when I could keep up with him).  He didn’t stop talking the entire time.  He was so excited, he could hardly stand it.

And I’m so glad I did.  Because as we headed down the hall, he becames more than a little bit unsure about the whole thing.  Not necessarily sad or anxious even, just trying to absorb it all.  There were people passing all around, people calling out instructions, so much to see hanging in the hallways.  He was definitely over stimulated- and I saw that familiar look in his eyes.

The one that says “In about 5 seconds I’m either going to need to hide somewhere ALONE with my legos or I’m going to completely breakdown.”

Even with me snuggled next to him- this was his face.

Which is why his teachers first words to her “babies” was MUSIC to both of our ears.
“Boys and Girls, you have three choices.  You can either read a book, play with playdough at your own desk, or just listen while I talk to the Mommies and Daddies.”

She was speaking his love language.

In his own world- happy with playdough.

And as he worked on his very own blue playdough, it was like he had just a few minutes to regroup alone (even in the crowd) and get ready for his day.  I might have missed that transition in his eyes if I’d had to rush over to KJ’s class.  And I can honestly say, after I saw him shift, I was easily able to walk out without a tear (from either of us).

Wow what a difference!

It was certainly disappointing that RRL didn’t get to be there.  And such a bummer that he and KJ didn’t get to share the first day.

But I’m incredibly thankful for those moments this morning with my big Kindergartner.

At big school
For the very first time.

LOVE HIM!
ABL

The sign-in poster before the run began

13 hours in and already more than 150 miles.

I have to confess to you, in the past I’ve felt pretty good about the way I’ve shared my faith on this little piece of the world wide web.  And while its true that you don’t have to read many posts in DRRF to catch a glimpse of what we believe- I was convicted while running this weekend that it might have been only a glimpse.

This time, I don’t want to miss the opportunity to be very clear.
One of Craig’s requests was that he and his family use what they are experiencing, his battle with Cancer, to share something with others.  So, I would be terribly remiss to not take an opportunity in a post about this prayer run to share with you.

Wanna know what in the world would motivate people to run in the middle of the night?
Or worse, in the middle of the day in August in TX?

We believe that we are all totally messed up.
None of us are perfect.
I am far from it.

But I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.
I believe He came to this Earth, lived as both fully God and fully Man so that He alone could pay the ultimate price for all of our sins.  Horrific, torturous death on a cross.

I believe that in Him alone is found a power to save.
I believe He is able to heal Craig completely.
But, I also believe someday our lives as we know them on this Earth will end.
And when that happens, I believe that Jesus has already paid the price for salvation for all, for eternal life.
We believe that we ALL need to be saved.
And we believe that Jesus is the way to the salvation.
There is nothing we’ve done to earn it.  There is nothing we can do to lose it.
And its for you, too.
All you have to do is believe.
That’s it.

I want you to know what I believe.
Don’t let me over-complicate it.  Don’t let me cloud it.  Don’t miss it.

If you don’t know the Truth about the saving power of Christ.  If you don’t have a community of people that encourage you to know a Lord that saves you by Grace, and not by anything you can do- I don’t want to let another moment go by without being the one to tell you.

That’s why we ran.
ABL

ABL

I tried to warn you- its not slowing down anytime soon. You are going to continue to be barraged by “Chicago this” and “Chicago that” for at least one more post (after this one).  Seriously.  You know you love it.

Here’s a post about one of my favorite subjects.
“How to plan a trip.”

Its no secret- I like to plan things.
What I’ve only recently finally learned about myself, though, is that I tend to under-estimate and over-complicate things.  A deadly combination.  But I will say, when it comes to planning trips, I’ve got a pretty good balance.

When I found out that we were really going to make this happen- this Chicago for the weekend thing- I could be found just about every night with no less than 15 internet tabs open on my computer.  Reading reviews, getting ideas, polling facebook friends, making reservations, saving maps, reading some more reviews, visiting groupon.  Its important when you only have 3 days to see a place you’ve never been, to know what you are walking in to.  How else will you know what you absolutely can’t miss?

But here’s the part that might surprise you- I actually don’t plan EVERYTHING.

Here’s our basic strategy:
We choose one thing for each day that you really want to do and plan for it.  Then, we have a list of other things you’d like to try to do and fill in the rest of each day with those things.  Usually we lay in bed at night and decide which “fluff” things we want to do the next day.  And we almost always have a back-up plan.  But we plan for the days “big event” to the nth degree.  Coupons, reservations, transportation, etc- all arranged ahead of time.

Here’s how that played out for us in Chicago-

What worked:
The DIY Chocolate tour
So yeah.  This is my blog.  So I kinda feel ok about getting a little arrogant here once in a while.  But seriously, ya’ll.  This one was B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T.  Ok, so I can’t take complete credit for it.  RRL definitely helped.  But anytime it seems like maybe we took something and way over complicated it but somehow still pulled it off…that’s the mark of yours truly.

When I saw a groupon for a Chicago Chocolate tour, I immediately forwarded it to RRL with the subject line “This is calling my name”.  Sight-seeing via chocolate.  What could be better?
Well, I’ll tell ya what could be better-
Sight-seeing via chocolate.
Without following a tour guide or her crowd.
(because that would have totally conflicted with the “just us” part of this trip.)
PLUS, we were quite certain (and correct) that we could get more chocolate for less money by doing it ourselves.

The website for the chocolate tour actually listed the chocolate shops they’d be visiting so I penciled the locations on to my paper map that also conveniently identified key landmarks.  So we’d buy some chocolate, walk a little bit, then stop at a landmark to sit and eat chocolate and see the sights.

Here’s the tour:
Chocolate Mint Pie from Frango Cafe (here’s a great reason to plan ahead. never would have found this one on my own, and its my favorite of all the places we ate in Chicago.  just a little sandwich/soda shop hidden behind the main eating areas at Macy’s).  In addition to the amazing pie- we LOVED the Pesto Chicken Salad Sandwich.  YUM, I wanna go back.

 Next stop, my least favorite, the Toni Patisserie.  We ordered the Brownie because it was supposedly the specialty, but it just tasted like a brownie.  But they did make a mean Arnold Palmer and the view from this corner cafe was fun- lots of good people watching.

Last stop- the most interesting and the one we were proudest of finding.  In a basement of a building, a sweet lady is living out her childhood dreams of making and selling her own candy.  The sea-salt caramel
“la-dee-dah” was DELICIOUS.  As was the bing cherry almond bar.  It just felt like we got a little peek into seeing someone accomplish a huge dream.  And we might have missed it if we hadn’t done a little research ahead of time.

We ate these magical pieces with this view- from inside the Thompson Center

 a PERFECT afternoon.  seriously, this was my favorite date EVER.

As a side note- I’m thinking about doing this for a living.
Anyone want me to take you on a tour where we spend several hours seeing the sights all while eating Chocolate?  Bring your own paper map, skip lunch, and we’ll be on our way!
YES, PLEASE!

The Boat Tour
Other than amazing places to eat, many told us that we should take an architecture boat tour.  This time we did opt to pay for the “official tour” feeling quite certain we could not recreate this one on our own.  I think the pictures pretty well speak for themselves (and this is narrowed down from about 4012923462 pictures we took in that 90 minutes).

This tour was an AWESOME way to get views of the city for the river and lake and learn fun facts about all of the cool architecture in Chicago.  LOVED THIS!

In the interest of transparency, here’s
What didn’t work:
The one thing everyone told us to do (well besides all the AH-MAZING restaurants) was Shedd Aquarium.  But it actually wasn’t one of our “bigs”.  So, on Saturday we just went out there.  When we arrived I was totally kicking myself for not planning this out more.  Why IN THE WORLD did I not do more planning for the one thing everyone recommended?  The fact that everyone recommended it should have told me that EVERYONE (and their mother, uncle, children, friend, sister, cousin) would be there on Saturday.  Sheesh.  The line just to get inside to purchase a ticket was TWO-FREAKING-HOURS (and a half).  We did not stay.  This is as close as we got.

And to make things worse, our “back-up plan” for the Aquarium was Navy Pier.  And any of the above listed everyone’s relatives that were not at the aquarium… were at Navy Pier.  And its a Pier.  As in an unshaded piece of concrete sticking out into the water.  Which equals H-O-T.  Not our scene.  But we did ride the ferris wheel.  And didn’t hate it (pictures of the great views coming up in the next post).  But we also left quickly.

All of that to say, when you take this approach of planning a few things really well, you have to be prepared that sometimes the things you don’t plan will be a major flop.

Which means, the number one key to the success of any trip is not the plan itself, it is not even your own attitude toward the situation, above all else it is…
Who you plan to travel with.
And I’m gonna keep on choosin’ him.

ABL