There’s a lot about parenting and faith and life that, much to my accounting dismay, does not fit in a formula.  But here’s one lesson that kinda does.

When you think about others MORE, you tend to think about yourself LESS.  When you add some to the others bucket, you subtract some from the worry about me bucket.  

It is a life lesson I want my kids to learn and implement.  Shoot, its a life lesson I want to be better about learning and implementing.  Which is why this lemonade stand was so encouraging.

Because from the first preparations

to the final CHEERS at the end of the morning,

We learned from our lemonade stand that helping other people has so many benefits.

You have fun. And you grow. We were all exhausted after this three hours, but the kids were quick to add it to one of their favorite days EVER and ask when we could do it again (I didn’t have the heart to tell them I’ve only got one lemonade stand per summer in me.)  And for a little while in the fun we were all thinking about something other than the fact that its been just a little crazy in our own world.  It was like I could actually see the boundaries of the world-view for 7 kids stretch a little.

You learn about your strengths.  We went around the dinner table after the lemonade stand and talked about how cool it was to have such a big team with so many people to contribute something different.  (I’ll admit- this was a “fake it till you make it speech- kinda convincing myself as I went).  We decided KJ was awesome at collecting money and engaging the customers so they knew our purpose.

Cbug was a pro at directing traffic and sticking to his task.  

AB was caught on film helping other kids, littler than himself, pick out toys and know how they worked.  

CB was great at helping pour and doing jobs others didn’t want to do- like holding open the cooler.

Lou was great at making sure we used the scooper, not our hands, to get the ice and serving with a smile.  

BB was good at TRYING REALLY HARD not to take all the toys we were selling and instead helping (re)organize them.

Tito, we all agreed, was the absolute best at running around like crazy in all his cuteness.

You build a team.  There’s been a lot around here of combining toys, sharing rooms, who has ever seen such-and-such movie, who has been on what trip, whose turn is it.  But you know how many of us had ever had a lemonade stand before? NONE. We were all in this one together. For the first time.  And together we had one goal. United.

You enable other people to help other people to help other people.  When you help someone and then they help someone, you see how community works best.  The cool thing is earlier the same week these amazing people came and worked in our yard.

Which took something off of our long list of craziness.  Which freed up some time Saturday morning. To help us raise money. To help a team of people.Go to Africa to help people learn how to spread the gospel to other people.  I mean. SERIOUSLY.

From pulling some weeds in Texas to the Good News spreading in Africa.  YES!

And those, my friends, are lessons you can only learn from thinking a little less about me.  And a little more about them.

The math is simple.

ABL

As another step in my self-directed “reclaiming” project, this week (a week with 7 kids and one ME), I’m reclaiming my perspective.

This week, I am choosing to just be so thankful for my husband and all that he does in our home.

And not dwell on the fact that I make a terrible “Daddy” when he is away.  I failed to take the trash out on trash day, can’t even go there on my efforts to unclog a toilet and in just one single week trying to parent without my him, there were moments of near mutiny from the 7 kids in my care.  Lets don’t even talk about how one decided he actually is only potty trained when Daddy is home.

I’m loving that he even managed to make sure I had special deliveries of chocolate magically appear on occasion throughout the week.  Isn’t he amazing?

            No need to focus on the fact that I may or may not have mentioned on the phone that the way he could help me most while he was gone would be to have chocolate delivered.  One of the few marriage tips I’ll share on this blog: If you need something, ask for it.  It makes it none-the-less sincere when you receive it.

The kids and I had an awesome 2^nd annual GREAT GIFTCARD (and coupon) WEEK.  This year was mainly just food places, but we enjoyed trying new places, visiting familiar ones on a tighter budget, and doing significantly fewer dishes.  We even had the awesome blessing of these friends bringing their coupon-purchased-food to share!

            I won’t be consumed with frustration that coupons at restaurants are often a rip-off, forcing you to buy more than you would have just to get the free something.  Thank you CFA for having REAL coupons that save me REAL money.

I took 7 kids out to eat BY MYSELF multiple times.  We were a spectacle, but broke nothing (that I know of).

            We can ignore that one unfortunate incident involving standing in a parking lot, at the door to the van with a certain un-potty-trained child’s leg stretched up in the air.  In running shorts and messy hair, I was wiping poop off, throwing away underwear and trying (unsuccessfully) to corral 6 other hooligans at the very moment when three other moms, sans children and dressed as such, walked up.  What could I do, but nod and smile and pretend this is normal?  Laugh. And proceed with icecream.

We ate our fruits and vegetables.

            No need to note that one time the fruit was in a cup on the way to the donut store and another time (maybe even on the same day) the vegetables were cold leftover green beans in a cup that the kids ate for a snack between our Sonic lunch and McDonalds dinner.  (I should win some sort of academy award for my starring role in the never ending film entitled “How to convince kids that something terrible is really fantastic)

After bonus kids arriving with a near truckload of stuff, unloading it in the garage and then Ricky leaving town, I’m proud to report that everyone now has clean clothes that fit put away in drawers and closets in their rooms and toys they love accessible in the playroom. And my house is clean.

To maintain my perspective that I’m amazing for this feat- I stay out of my overflowing closet as much as possible.  And ignore the fact that I had paid-for-help with cleaning.

My God is so good. So faithful.  So evident. So present.  This week I’ve seen Him multiply energy, grant patience, cover inadequacies, pour buckets of grace and provide for even more than our needs- from money to food to clothing to sweet company.

            I’ll choose not to beat myself up about the moment I was literally why-me-ing to the King of the Universe over poop inunderwear.

Perspective.  It is a choice.  I choose laughter.  

And chocolate.

ABL

As RRL and I drove along the highway, on a rare road trip without the noise of children, we talked about life, we laughed about funny things our kids say and we planned for the changes our family will soon face.  It was a sweet time.

But, twice during our time in the car, our conversations were interrupted.  I listened while my husband took calls and did his “job”.  Twice he talked to parents who love teenagers who are struggling.  He offered hope and help.  As he listened to things about these teenagers that would shock some, he responded with grace and love and genuine concern. 

Each time as he finished the calls we drifted back into our conversations and enjoying our time together.  But what he was doing so naturally wasn’t missed.  And whether we acknowledge it (or in this case, not) I know he does what he does not because it is his job, but because of who he is.  He’s living the rebellion against hopelessness.

There’s something I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband believes.  I know he believes in hope and healing.  And he believes God is good.  I know he believes these things because he lives them. 

I know he believes these things because for much of the last couple of weeks, in the late hours of the night, this is where I found him.

Painting. And building. And planning. For this.

This weekend the church we attend, The HIlls, is having “Renew weekend“.  It is an opportunity for us to learn more about and partner with organazations, like Ricky and Teen Lifeline, who are DOING something.  I’ve written before about Lifeline taking time and effort to know the stories of teens so they can help.  But there are also organizations offering homes for the homeless, families for the orphans, food for the hungry, hope for the troubled, and help for the forgotten. 

And for the week, the atrium of the building has been filled with displays like this one, giving information about these organzations offering an alternative to hurt: hope.  Last weekend, as I walked in to the center of the area where the displays were set up, and I as I read about the different organizations represented, I was surrounded by a flood of realization.  The realization that there are people everywhere, for a thousand different reasons, who need.  It is overwhelming. 

It is not hard for me to want to join the fight for the unborn, for the trafficked child, for the orphans.  Its not hard for me to want to support my husband as he fights for teenagers.  What’s hard for me is choosing.  It can become parazlyzing to know that there is SO MUCH TO DO.  Honestly, sometimes it can be so paralyzing that I do nothing.

But standing there, watching hundreds of people come to learn more, watching children with their parents and those come who have long since raised their children, watching my own little rascals come and join the fight changed something in me.  We can do this.  Not all of it, but what is in front of us- that we can do.

In Nehemiah, the destruction of the wall and the city were far extending.  It was an impossible task.  It was hopeless.  But together. 

Do you know how they made progress?  Read the book, the long list of names, and you’ll see.  They did it together.  Many joined. The high priest and the temple servants, the district rulers and their daughters, the goldsmith and the countymen.  Each did their part.  And many times it was just “each in front of his own home”. 

Can’t you just picture it? A bunch of hopeless rubble, the noise of a disheatening enemy and yet- if you looked to your left or glanced to your right you knew you weren’t alone.  You knew you’d get weary working on your section, but if you did what you could, brick by brick you’d see the difference. 

 And most of all, together they could be reminded that GOD was at work.  By not working alone, by choosing to gather together, the disheartening echos of hopelessness were overshadowed by the testimonies of “GOD IS GOOD, restoration is underway.”

Alone it was futile, but together the fight was strong.  Together the wall was rebuilt. 

I want my children to know what their Daddy does for a “job”.  But more than that I want them to know why.  I want them to know they can fight, too.  I want them to join.  Because I want to see restoration.   

Don’t you?

“The God of heaven will give us success.  We his servants will start rebuilding…” -Nehemiah 2:20

Join today. Whether you go to The Hills and will physically be part of this weekend’s giving, or whether you use this as an opportunity to find out about the needs around you, you can participate.  Give your time, give your money, pray. Do what is right in front of you. And when you get discouraged, when it seems like there is too much to do. Don’t be paralyzed. Look to your right. Look to your left. And know you don’t fight alone.

ABL

Tito-
You are FINALLY two. For weeks you’ve been saying “two” when asked your age. I would always follow with “almost”, to which you eventually caught on. So, for days after your birthday you kept right on saying “I two….almost”. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

I also love it when you call yourself “Tito”. But had to laugh when you managed to convince your school teachers that you thought your name was “Turtle”. You thought it was hilarious so you just kept on agreeing with them.

In addition to your own name, you’ve learned so much this year- you finally learned to walk around 15 months, you completely feed yourself with a fork and spoon and your vocabulary seems to leap everyday. Some of my favorite things you say are:
“Tito’s turn” (a slightly more pleasant version of “mine”)
“I like it” (with face scrunched indicating you do NOT like it)
“Brother Ray” (your favorite person- who works at your preschool)
“Read David” or “Read Brown Bear” (favorite Bible story and favorite book)
“I hello” (meaning you’d like to talk on the phone)

You are pretty predictable, which makes it pretty easy to figure out what you need. You eat a breakfast cereal bar and drink prune juice nearly every morning, and your internal clock goes off at 5:00 each evening for dinner. You start with a pleasant “I eat?” but if we don’t get it on your tray soon enough, you do not appreciate it one bit. And when you get sleepy you say “Paci, lovey, night-night”, go through your night time routine, and climb in your big boy bed to sleep.

Our family is incredibly blessed by your disposition. You are hilarious and love to entertain us. This year that part of your personality has really come alive.You’re earliest comedic routine was to bang your head on the dining room table and look up to see who was watching. We all roared. And once you got a taste of that lime-light, you haven’t stopped entertaining us. We ooh and ah when you say pieces of your memory verses, make animal noises, “hide” in obvious places or help “read” books you’ve memorized. We laugh when you sing “Let it go” at the top of your lungs, or when you are feeling generous and share the spotlight with Lou for a duet rendition of “Do you want to build a snowman?”.

But as much as you love the spotlight at home, you don’t really care to fight for it in public. It takes you a while to warm up and you’ll rarely “perform” for anyone else. You cried every day of preschool for the first two months, in great disbelief that we would leave you. You aren’t necessarily shy, but you prefer to be with your family- especially your Daddy. Oh, BOY, are you two attached. If you see a car on the road that even slightly resembles his you’ll ask “Daddy frontofus?” And if you so much as hear the garage door squeek you’ll run yelling “DADDDYYYYYYYYYY’S HOME!” Don’t you worry, buddy, he is pretty smitten, too.

In fact, we all are. And so many others that meet you are, too. From the moment I first held you there was something unique about your demeanor. I’ve always called you “peaceful” (which, of course, doesn’t mean you don’t act like a two-year-old). There is something calming, charming and endearing about your presence. I think you have a lot of your Great-Grandmother Hayes in you. And there’s just about no higher compliment I could pay you.

This year I’m praying that you’ll continue to delight in being with your family because we certainly can’t get enough of you. But I’m also praying that you’ll love sharing that peaceful presence with others. Your name means “One who bears Christ” which goes so well with that peace. I pray that in being just who He created you to be, you’ll bring peace to many.

I love you, buddy!
Momma

I love having a girl. I do.
And I’m 100% sure I gave birth to this one.
But somedays I do wonder how it is possible that SHE is MINE.

Some things about her are just like me.
She likes to plan. She likes people. She likes to go go go.
She has my hands.

But a lot of her is not me at all.
The princess pose. Not me.

The needing her fingernails painted. Not me.

Sitting as long as requires to have her hair styled. So not me. (Obviously, as evidenced by the terrible job I did as the styler.)

When my girl (who can’t possibly be mine) was invited by her favorite guy to attend the Daddy/Daughter princess ball, she was ALL IN! At about 4 pm she announced a desperate need to start the preparations for the party. After all, it was only TWO AND A HALF HOURS until her date would pick her up. Seriously.

And she had a precise plan about how the getting ready would go down. Including, but limited to…

Nails and hair,

a specific dress, bow, and shoes (slightly adapted when one aurora shoe was determined to be out of commission),

And hiding away until her Daddy was completely ready to receive her.

Apparently, I almost ruined this part, without knowing the plan. I was talking to RRL on the phone while I fixed her hair, briefly mentioned that we were curling away and looked down to horror on her face. “Mommmmm. He can’t know, yet.” Oh, excuse me. Top secret.

RRL got home, changed clothes and waited at the bottom of the stairs (per princess instructions).

The look on her face as she took his hand literally took my breath away. I could fast forward all too easily in my mind to a place I’m not ready to go quite yet. TIME.STOP.NOW.

She posed for the going away photos and I’m pretty sure danced on air the rest of the evening.

All the while I was wearing comfy sweats, hair in a bun, gathering belongings and hydrating for a 5k I was running the next AM. We were both in our (polar opposite) happy places.

I sure love my little Lou and the girly pizzaz she adds to our family.
What would we do without the princess factor?

ABL

For weeks I’ve been kissing Cbug goodnight and saying “you are my favorite 5-year-old,” only to have him respond “Not for much longer.  Pretty soon I’ll have to be your favorite 6-year-old.” And today is that day!

Man you make our lives fun! Without even trying, you make me laugh more times a day than I could possibly count.  The pictures in this blog (taken by THE THREE) are some of the very few I have of you not making a silly face.  I do love these pictures, but I’m so glad we have the silly ones, too- never a dull moment. 

 I feel like I probably say the same thing each year in your birthday letter, but only because it is so very true…You live life in big ways, you never do anything half-way and when you are in- YOU ARE ALL IN!  Sometimes this is frustrating because it is so difficult for you to change gears or stop something before you are finished, but most of the time it is a delight to see you face a challenge and barrel forward. I love watching you complete Lego sets at lightening paces, read books, play nerf wars and your most recently discovered talent- making things at the craft table.  You’ve made Christmas cards for family members, angry bird ornaments for the Christmas tree and today you spent well over an hour making your own Happy Birthday sign.

You’ve had a big time this year in Kindergarten.  You’ve blown our minds with how quickly you are learning and how much you love all things academic.  You are suddenly way into reading.  And we were so proud of you when you ROCKED your reading of Christ’s birth for the Christmas show.  Seriously, it was a shining star moment, dude.  

You are just slightly (cough cough) obsessed with numbers- always counting things or wanting us to try to stump you with math problems (which is difficult to do), and you love to know/remember dates.  Whenever anyone comments on your missing tooth you respond “yep, I lost it on November 29th.”  

My favorite thing about your school year, though, is how much you love your classmates.  You’ve even proclaimed “mom, I’m pretty great at making friends”.  While we may need to work on your humility, I would have to agree with you.  You do seem to have a knack for noticing others who need a friend and for being able to play with just about anyone.  Everywhere we go, you come away with a “new friend” and I couldn’t be more proud of that characteristic.  

Probably one of my most retold stories from parenting was the one where my sweet oldest child was a not-so-gentle shepherd in his preschool Christmas show.  It was simultaneously incredibly embarrassing and absolutely hilarious.  Truth be told, I probably wouldn’t trade that memory for a thousand pictures of him being any other way in the nativity scene.  At least now that the embarrassment has worn off a bit.

But this year, on that very same stage, another member of our family stepped up to the plate to restore the family name.  And he rocked it!  Cbug was asked to come back as a graduate of the preschool to read about Christ’s birth.  

He read all of Luke 2:1-14 from the NKJ version.  No small task, but he was more than up for the challenge.  The video picture isn’t awesome because of the dark auditorium, but turn up the volume and listen to this sweet voice read about our Saviours birth.  And then try not to swoon.

 And, also during the performance, he managed to use my camera to take pictures of anyone he could capture…

Including going up on the stage to catch his favorite director on film.  Mid show.  With the flash on.  Awesome.  

I’ve tried all kinds of approaches to “New Year’s Resolutions.” Everything from swearing them off all together to making a detailed list of them. This year, I’m taking yet another approach. One that (hopefully) works for an accountant who is also a mom of 4 small children. Because if you have little kiddos, you know that it is quite rare that anything go according to plan. You know the essential nature of a “plan b”- you gotta have one in your back pocket. AT.ALL.TIMES.

May I present my 2014 goals-
including plan B.

Exercise
Plan A: Plan out and stick to a training schedule that includes exercise at least 4 times a week.
Plan B: When I have to go up and down the stairs 947372949272 times a day, I’ll run. And count it.

Rest
Plan A: Develop a regular sleep schedule for going to bed and getting up.
Plan B: Learn to walk in my sleep so I always feel like I slept through the night.

Be intentional about what we eat
Plan A: Plan out a biweekly menu, trying new dishes and incorporating healthy choices.
Plan B: Plan out a biweekly menu that incorporates healthy choices. And also incorporates the occasional breakfast for dinner and eating out nights. Allow for spontaneous “tonight I just can’t cook”.

Spend intentional time with my children
Plan A: Plan monthly one-on-one dates with each child. Help them discover their talents and special interests.  Plan learning experiences for the whole family.
Plan B: Recognize the spontaneous opportunities I get each day to teach my kids.  Take them with me to the grocery store, even if it means sweating more.  Talk to them about money and Jesus and friendships and family while we drive in the car, while we snuggle together on the couch and while we eat dinner together.  Be present.

Be involved at the kids’ school
Plan A: volunteer more in the classroom, find an organization to be part of, get to know the other parents from our classes by inviting them over.
Plan B: take sonic drinks to the teachers when I think about it.. Say thank you more often.  Say yes when others invite us on play dates.  And recognize moments like taking a forgotten lunch or homework as opportunities to encourage kids I see in the hall and the adults who take such good care of my treasures each day.

Get to know our neighbors
Plan A: Invite neighbors over for dinner and play dates.  Plan regular block parties.
Plan B:  Play in the front yard more.   Hire someone to mow our yard so that when we do get around to having people over we aren’t already on the neighborhood naughty list.

Deepen relationships with others
Plan A: Set aside intentional time each week to visit with friends. Send encouraging notes and texts. Listen more.
Plan B: Pray that I’ll still have some friends when I do come up for social air.

Do my part to grow our marriage
Plan A: Plan frequent dates.  Find a study or other learning experience to work through together.
Plan B: say thank you more.  Be frustrated less.  Be quick to point out successes and slow to measure by unfair standards.  Always give the benefit of the doubt.  Say I’m sorry.  Have fun together.

Grow in relationship with the Lord
Plan A: Plan out and stick to a daily Bible study plan. Get up early to start my day with the Lord.
Plan B: Pray to become a morning person. Ask for a heart that sees His presence in the busy-ness of each day.

Sweet readers of DRRF- Here’s to you and your fresh start in this new year.  I hope 2014 finds you with a spirit that is willing to dream big and set lofty goals.  But also cut yourself some slack this year.  Sometimes as a spouse/parent/neighbor, you’ll find that if you’ll allow yourself to embrace it- plan B isn’t so bad after all.

ABL

Last year I was a scrooge.

This year, I decorated my home the week before Thanksgiving.
This year I soaked up getting out every single ornament and putting up garland, and tying bows.
This year I loved planning out our family advent calendar.
And letting the kids decorate this tree.

This year, I’m celebrating.

This year, long before the season actually arrived, the LORD gave me a picture to celebrate.  A picture of transformation and of hope in waiting.  I wrote about that picture of a parade on this blog and many of you could relate.  With that picture I began a Charlie Brown search for purpose in Christmas.

Transformation began with remembering the reason for the season.  I bet Charlie Brown already knew the story- about a baby named Jesus.  But maybe he needed some help remembering.  And not just remembering the part about the humble beginnings of that baby, but maybe especially the part about the enormous celebration.

And that’s what did it for me this year.  Remembering the JOY.  Can’t you picture the party?  Angels proclaiming, shepherds rejoicing and dancing in the fields, a star shining brightly in the sky, a proud momma and papa kissing that sweet baby face for the very first time.

Jesus did come humbly.
But he also came so very celebrated.
With GREAT JOY!

There was great joy because for the first time the hurts of the world, every single fear, all the poverty and all of the loss had HOPE, there was a Redeemer.  And it was joy for all people…A savior born!

What hasn’t changed for me this Christmas is that I still know of many whose deepest Christmas wish can’t be wrapped and placed under a tree.  There are desires that weigh heavily on my heart- I wish I could give gifts like forever homes for children, like safety for deployed loved ones.  If I only I could wrap up restored marriages, and healing for grieving hearts.  It would be awesome to mail gifts like an assurance of a next meal or like true freedom from abuse or addiction.  These are gifts I can neither give nor wish into being.

But I believe there is a Redeemer.  I believe in miracles- those I’ve seen and those I await.

Which is why more than anything, this Christmas, I want the WORLD…or at least my little world…to see us CELEBRATE.  I don’t want anyone to misperceive our belief to be that the more we experience hurt, frustration, disappointment, or grief means the less we celebrate Christmas.

While I know its a crazy ridiculously fine balance- in some ways I think this means we have to celebrate in a way the world can recognize.  Maybe it means I put up a giant tree.  Maybe it means we give gifts to teachers and friends.  Maybe it means we wear matching Christmas outfits and take festive pictures.  Because this is a PARTY.  And maybe by celebrating we won’t lose the spirit of Christmas- maybe instead we’ll lead others straight into it.  We may not celebrate by romping in the field with our sheep, but maybe we’ll celebrate by romping down the street to look at Christmas lights.  And there, in a whisper, I’ll hear my sweet little girl remind us all, “At Christmas we celebrate that Jesus is born!”  And I’ll answer, “That’s right, baby.  We certainly do.  We definitely celebrate!”

This year, we CELEBRATE.  Like the angels did.  Like the shepherds did.  Like the Wisemen and Mary and Joseph did.  Because Jesus came humbly.  But he also came CELEBRATED.

A summer night, just one month after KJ was born, RRL and I were sitting at one of my favorite places- my parents’ dining room table.  There aren’t many places I’d ever rather be.  Usually it means good food, lots of laughter, maybe some snarky comments from a brother or two and always always always leaving so full my pants need to be loosened and my heart might explode.

On this occassion the entire dinner time crowd was in a spell- staring and swooning over our sweet first born son.  “Nonna” was loving playing her new role and “Granny Frannie” an adopted grandmother was happy to step-in when she needed a free hand.  At some point during dinner one of them mentioned, “ABL, isn’t this just the sweetest time of your ENTIRE life?”

And I burst into tears.

Oh, heavens- I sure hope not.  Because if you are telling me that cleaning yellow slimy poop, struggling to breast feed, and not sleeping (oh, how I missed sleep) are the sweetest times of my life- I’m not sure I’m cut out for this parenting thing.  Sure, I loved the little guy in a completely unexplainable sort of way.  Somehow, although no formula could rationalize it, I was absolutely head-over-heels for him.  But I also loved sleep.  Really missed it.  Lots.

I was smack dab in my first of four periods of “I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired. Will I ever sleep again?  I’m not sure rational sentences are even coming out of my mouth.  What day is it?” exhaustion.  And every single time I had a baby, even with more wisdom and less stress in each subsequent period, it was overwhelming.  Yes, every.single.time.

But guess what? And depending on where you are right now in the sleepless-night-stage this may shock you:
Each time I came out on the other side.  At some point (and the points were broadly mapped across the spectrum with our four), I did sleep.

If there is any one question I get asked by other moms most frequently, this probably is it:
HOW do I get them to SLEEP?

Here is usually my answer:  “I have no idea.”
Which is why this blog is read by 5.3 people.  Ok, sure, I have ideas.  Lots of ideas.  But beware: so does every other mom you ask.  Everysingleone.  So, do yourself a favor- don’t ask.

Because unfortunately (or actually, fortunately) every single baby is different.  So there won’t be a perfect solution, created by someone else, that will work for your baby.  I’m so sorry.  If you haven’t already, you have GOT to go read this hilarious post by Matt Walsh about why we’ve gotta quit parenting other people’s kids.  Read a few things online if you need to, to make yourself feel better, pick one trusted friend to vent to, and then just do what you gotta do to survive.

And for that, I actually DO have some suggestions.
Tips for surviving sleepless nights (none of which have to do with making your baby sleep more):

1) Hide treats for yourself.  Whatever you love- a favorite lotion, some chocolate, a healthy snack (i mean, if you’re like that), a book.  Make them accessible.  Forget a sock drawer in the nursery- you need a survival drawer.  Because lets be real, if you’ve been up 199 times already you don’t want to go scrounging around downstairs for these items.

2) Have your husband (or friend or mom) write you notes about what a great mom you are.  These should be very short and easy to read in a state of delirium.  Wives- YES!  It is absolutely ok to ASK your husband to do this.  He won’t ever think to do it on his own, but he’ll be so thrilled that his way to “help” at night can be accomplished in the day.  Post these on your bathroom mirror, on a table in the baby’s room or as book marks in that book you’ve stashed (see #1).  Believe the words written in love.  Don’t let the enemy of doubt creep into the literal darkness of night.  Its one of his favorite places to lurk.  Instead, believe that you were made for this purpose and this baby was made for greatness.

3) Write yourself notes: “This won’t last forever”  “In the morning he’ll be adorable”  or favorite verses or other quotes you find encouraging.  Put them where you’ll see them.  On top of the wipes dispenser, on the diaper trash can, near the crib, beside your clock (I mean have those glowing red numbers EVER been so annoying)- wherever your eyes might go before your brain goes somewhere you don’t want it to be: COVER that space.

3) Get a hobby– something you like doing when you are awake for longer periods of time and something you might even start looking forward to. (watching Downton Abbey, Play Sudoku  reading children’s books to your baby, picking out paint colors for the dining room.  You know- hypothetically speaking.) Pick something you’ll be proud of in the morning.  Beware of addictions.

4) Keep a journal to jot down notes- on paper or just in your phone.  Just write down where-ever your crazy brain takes you on that midnight train.  You will either A- literally laugh out loud later reading what you thought were perfectly rational thoughts at the time or B-record something that only the Lord could have spoken through an exhausted heart. Either way- it will be a best seller!  Do me a favor though- don’t post any of these thoughts online until you are awake enough to be sure you really wanted to share that.

5) Remember it is ok to walk away and breathe.  I’m not talking cry it out (remember this is not about how to make your baby sleep).  I’m just saying- recognize your limit and believe with your heart that if you need to put your baby in a safe place for a few minutes and walk to another room in the middle of the night (while munching on something from your stash), this is perfectly acceptable- even commendable.

6) PRAY!  I know, I just lost a few of you.  But really.  Try this:  Pray for your baby. Pray for your husband.  Pray for your coming day.  Make a list during daytime hours of other people you can pray for.  Grab that list at the moment in which you are thinking your life might be the hardest of all lives ever created.

None of these will make your baby sleep more.  That’s my disclaimer.  But maybe one of these will help you make it to the other side!  There is light ahead, I promise.  There are many blessings that will come from this season, indeed.  You’ll depend on others, your baby will depend on you, you are just at the very beginning of a relationship that will ROCK YOUR WORLD.

And I think that is what they meant that summer night around my Momma’s table- they knew that this sweet baby being born (keeping me up at night, not withstanding) was the beginning of greatness for me.  They’d seen their own babies grow AND SLEEP and love and learn and change and share and give and become.  They’d seen the path that would lead out of those sleepless and selfless nights, so they could recognize the beauty of the beginning.  A beginning I now know I wouldn’t trade for all the sleep in the world.

ABL