The single question we get asked most frequently: “WHEN are you leaving?”
This, my friends, is a tricky question to answer. Because it is directly tied to money. And money is a finicky topic for a blog. But the more I’ve reflected on this topic, financial stewardship and the Lord’s provision shouldn’t be tricky to declare at all. The lessons we’ve learned about money need to be shared.
Eight years ago, there were precisely zero formulas in my excel spreadsheet to predict provision for 3 small children suddenly landing in our lives, home, hearts. That was NOT in the life “budget”. And thus, the Lord began a work on this accountant/planning/type-A pro. A new balance. My talents, while still important to our stewardship, needed to be returned open handed to the true creator. My life submitted to His authority. Even my budget available for His determination. And I think, over time, I’ve released.
A bit.
At least until the next curveball.
RRL’s position in Dar es Salaam is a “vocational missionary” position. Which means, financially, we will receive a stipend from the school and the rest of our living expenses must be covered through fundraising in the States. It is not a cheap city in which to live, so this is a pretty big curveball in our life budget.
Never you fear. Fairly quickly we had an AMAZING plan for how we would provide for that need. You know, using God’s provision. (insert eye roll). It wasn’t a very profound plan: We would sell our home in May so that we could eliminate significant monthly expenses while simultaneously freeing up our home equity to support us while we fundraised and also be a portion of our necessary commitment for monthly expenses when we arrived in Dar es Salaam. WONDERFUL. EASY. PERFECT.
As we worked quickly to get the house ready to sell, I wrote a post sentimentalizing our home’s “for sale” status. We just KNEW it wouldn’t be ours for much longer. Funny thing. It was ours. For what felt like FOREVER LONGER. Nearly 12 weeks and 41 showings longer.
Our house did eventually get one offer. ONE. And the buyer came to look at our house on a day when we had decided that we were just going to start packing and moving out, by faith it would sell. By “decided” I mean like mattresses leaning against the wall, half packed boxes scattered throughout, kitchen completely undone. After months of impeccable house keeping involving a detailed systematic plan by which assigned zones of the house could be attacked and cleaned at a moment’s notice, the future owners of my home saw it in a war-zone-moving-effort-state. Of course they did. And we will “close” this sale at the end of the month, just days before we hope to leave for TZ and precisely at a point when when it is too late for an ounce of the equity to provide for our summer needs.
All my plans. Such great plans. Worthless. Will I never learn?
A couple of things happened as a result of this particular plan being foiled:
- An opportunity to pray. I don’t know if the future owners of our home will ever know, but they may be the most prayed for strangers in the history of strangers. My children have frequently talked and prayed about who they might be. My neighbors have prayed with us for the next occupants. And each time I was the last one out the door for a showing I prayed for them and their future memories here. I don’t know who needed nearly 12 weeks of prayers to pave the path into this home, but God did. He is in pursuit of them.
- And He might just be in pursuit of us, too. Because “our plans” didn’t work out for our provision this summer, we were gifted [another] opportunity to watch God powerfully at work. RRL has been incredibly persistent in using his talents to ask, share our story, and fundraise. And God has honored that work. In just a few short months, we’ve experienced what “experts” said to be impossible. We have raised 100% of the money need to transition to Dar (settlement costs and travel) AND nearly 70% of the amount needed for our monthly costs over the 3 years we expect to live in Tanzania. We marvel at this provision. It is no small thing.
This remaining 30% is one of the key pieces for our family to be able to embark on our Tanzanian ministry. We are prayerfully looking for donors and partners to help us get to at least 90% of the monthly support for our 3 years in Tanzania to be committed before we will even leave the U.S. We wait because we believe:
This tangible and measurable gauge of preparedness is helping us pace ourselves for spiritual and emotional readiness to travel.
We cannot control even when we will take the next step. Like whether we will be able to travel during “convenient times”. Or whether we will be able to settle into our new home before school starts. So much about the future, about even tomorrow, that we simply do not know.
And for one of the first times in my life, that phrase is beginning to roll off my tongue:
”I.Do.Not.Know”
Slowly, there is freedom in not knowing. Slowly, my waiting posture is (re)reformed. As I sit, again, in a space of waiting, I find myself remembering to release.
Instead of planning: Wondering. Marveling. Expecting.
Just how is the Lord going to provide?
Instead of praying for OUR plans to succeed:
Lord, may our eyes be open to see YOU at work.
Instead of jumping at the opportunities to “make it work:”
Lord, make us simply available. Ready. Each day. To take a step. Make a call. Write a blog. Ask. And expect.
Because we KNOW we have been prepared for this journey. We believe in the mission set before us, even though we do not yet know the full extent of it. We feel about as confident as I have about anything in my entire life: We are supposed to GO.
It is our sincere prayer that as you read along on our journey, you too find confidence to DREAM the impossible. To HUNT for His daily provision. To WAIT expectantly. His powerful provision will never look exactly as you plan. And that is the very thing that makes it miraculous.
It is not too late to join us, financially, on our journey to Tanzania. And no amount is too small to be helpful. We are continuing to seek both individual contributors and churches which would be interested in partnering with us. You can find out more information about the three key points of our Tanzania work at this link to our blog announcement about the move. Additionally, there is a page on the blog directly related to how to support our Team. Thank you for being part of this journey and for sharing it with your friends and churches!
