For weeks I’ve been kissing Cbug goodnight and saying “you are my favorite 5-year-old,” only to have him respond “Not for much longer.  Pretty soon I’ll have to be your favorite 6-year-old.” And today is that day!

Man you make our lives fun! Without even trying, you make me laugh more times a day than I could possibly count.  The pictures in this blog (taken by THE THREE) are some of the very few I have of you not making a silly face.  I do love these pictures, but I’m so glad we have the silly ones, too- never a dull moment. 

 I feel like I probably say the same thing each year in your birthday letter, but only because it is so very true…You live life in big ways, you never do anything half-way and when you are in- YOU ARE ALL IN!  Sometimes this is frustrating because it is so difficult for you to change gears or stop something before you are finished, but most of the time it is a delight to see you face a challenge and barrel forward. I love watching you complete Lego sets at lightening paces, read books, play nerf wars and your most recently discovered talent- making things at the craft table.  You’ve made Christmas cards for family members, angry bird ornaments for the Christmas tree and today you spent well over an hour making your own Happy Birthday sign.

You’ve had a big time this year in Kindergarten.  You’ve blown our minds with how quickly you are learning and how much you love all things academic.  You are suddenly way into reading.  And we were so proud of you when you ROCKED your reading of Christ’s birth for the Christmas show.  Seriously, it was a shining star moment, dude.  

You are just slightly (cough cough) obsessed with numbers- always counting things or wanting us to try to stump you with math problems (which is difficult to do), and you love to know/remember dates.  Whenever anyone comments on your missing tooth you respond “yep, I lost it on November 29th.”  

My favorite thing about your school year, though, is how much you love your classmates.  You’ve even proclaimed “mom, I’m pretty great at making friends”.  While we may need to work on your humility, I would have to agree with you.  You do seem to have a knack for noticing others who need a friend and for being able to play with just about anyone.  Everywhere we go, you come away with a “new friend” and I couldn’t be more proud of that characteristic.  

Probably one of my most retold stories from parenting was the one where my sweet oldest child was a not-so-gentle shepherd in his preschool Christmas show.  It was simultaneously incredibly embarrassing and absolutely hilarious.  Truth be told, I probably wouldn’t trade that memory for a thousand pictures of him being any other way in the nativity scene.  At least now that the embarrassment has worn off a bit.

But this year, on that very same stage, another member of our family stepped up to the plate to restore the family name.  And he rocked it!  Cbug was asked to come back as a graduate of the preschool to read about Christ’s birth.  

He read all of Luke 2:1-14 from the NKJ version.  No small task, but he was more than up for the challenge.  The video picture isn’t awesome because of the dark auditorium, but turn up the volume and listen to this sweet voice read about our Saviours birth.  And then try not to swoon.

 And, also during the performance, he managed to use my camera to take pictures of anyone he could capture…

Including going up on the stage to catch his favorite director on film.  Mid show.  With the flash on.  Awesome.  

Some years we have an elaborate celebration.

Some years we plan for weeks to set aside time to celebrate.

Some years we get a babysitter and maybe even splurge
for a hotel room for some extra time alone together.

Some years the meal is elegant, the dishes breakable,
the table setting gorgeous and we dress in our fancy best.

Some years we toast with glasses that make a perfect clink
and sparkle like our eyes did on our wedding night.

I loved our celebration this year because it really was a reflection of our marriage. Both of us just wanted to flop in bed and celebrate later, but instead we waited until the kids were asleep, laughed together about our hotel floor dining, watched some of our wedding video and reflected on the last 12 years. We chose to be together. It wasn’t elegant, it wasn’t what we would have planned, it was a little messy and took some effort from both of us to make it successful.

 Just like our marriage.

Because in marriage…
The past is how you choose to remember it.
The present is what you choose to make of it.
And the future is how you choose to dream it.

Cheers to 12 years of marriage, RRL. Whether it’s a fine china day or a take out and McDonalds tea kind of day- I promise to choose you EVERY day.

Love,
Me

I’ve tried all kinds of approaches to “New Year’s Resolutions.” Everything from swearing them off all together to making a detailed list of them. This year, I’m taking yet another approach. One that (hopefully) works for an accountant who is also a mom of 4 small children. Because if you have little kiddos, you know that it is quite rare that anything go according to plan. You know the essential nature of a “plan b”- you gotta have one in your back pocket. AT.ALL.TIMES.

May I present my 2014 goals-
including plan B.

Exercise
Plan A: Plan out and stick to a training schedule that includes exercise at least 4 times a week.
Plan B: When I have to go up and down the stairs 947372949272 times a day, I’ll run. And count it.

Rest
Plan A: Develop a regular sleep schedule for going to bed and getting up.
Plan B: Learn to walk in my sleep so I always feel like I slept through the night.

Be intentional about what we eat
Plan A: Plan out a biweekly menu, trying new dishes and incorporating healthy choices.
Plan B: Plan out a biweekly menu that incorporates healthy choices. And also incorporates the occasional breakfast for dinner and eating out nights. Allow for spontaneous “tonight I just can’t cook”.

Spend intentional time with my children
Plan A: Plan monthly one-on-one dates with each child. Help them discover their talents and special interests.  Plan learning experiences for the whole family.
Plan B: Recognize the spontaneous opportunities I get each day to teach my kids.  Take them with me to the grocery store, even if it means sweating more.  Talk to them about money and Jesus and friendships and family while we drive in the car, while we snuggle together on the couch and while we eat dinner together.  Be present.

Be involved at the kids’ school
Plan A: volunteer more in the classroom, find an organization to be part of, get to know the other parents from our classes by inviting them over.
Plan B: take sonic drinks to the teachers when I think about it.. Say thank you more often.  Say yes when others invite us on play dates.  And recognize moments like taking a forgotten lunch or homework as opportunities to encourage kids I see in the hall and the adults who take such good care of my treasures each day.

Get to know our neighbors
Plan A: Invite neighbors over for dinner and play dates.  Plan regular block parties.
Plan B:  Play in the front yard more.   Hire someone to mow our yard so that when we do get around to having people over we aren’t already on the neighborhood naughty list.

Deepen relationships with others
Plan A: Set aside intentional time each week to visit with friends. Send encouraging notes and texts. Listen more.
Plan B: Pray that I’ll still have some friends when I do come up for social air.

Do my part to grow our marriage
Plan A: Plan frequent dates.  Find a study or other learning experience to work through together.
Plan B: say thank you more.  Be frustrated less.  Be quick to point out successes and slow to measure by unfair standards.  Always give the benefit of the doubt.  Say I’m sorry.  Have fun together.

Grow in relationship with the Lord
Plan A: Plan out and stick to a daily Bible study plan. Get up early to start my day with the Lord.
Plan B: Pray to become a morning person. Ask for a heart that sees His presence in the busy-ness of each day.

Sweet readers of DRRF- Here’s to you and your fresh start in this new year.  I hope 2014 finds you with a spirit that is willing to dream big and set lofty goals.  But also cut yourself some slack this year.  Sometimes as a spouse/parent/neighbor, you’ll find that if you’ll allow yourself to embrace it- plan B isn’t so bad after all.

ABL

Last year I was a scrooge.

This year, I decorated my home the week before Thanksgiving.
This year I soaked up getting out every single ornament and putting up garland, and tying bows.
This year I loved planning out our family advent calendar.
And letting the kids decorate this tree.

This year, I’m celebrating.

This year, long before the season actually arrived, the LORD gave me a picture to celebrate.  A picture of transformation and of hope in waiting.  I wrote about that picture of a parade on this blog and many of you could relate.  With that picture I began a Charlie Brown search for purpose in Christmas.

Transformation began with remembering the reason for the season.  I bet Charlie Brown already knew the story- about a baby named Jesus.  But maybe he needed some help remembering.  And not just remembering the part about the humble beginnings of that baby, but maybe especially the part about the enormous celebration.

And that’s what did it for me this year.  Remembering the JOY.  Can’t you picture the party?  Angels proclaiming, shepherds rejoicing and dancing in the fields, a star shining brightly in the sky, a proud momma and papa kissing that sweet baby face for the very first time.

Jesus did come humbly.
But he also came so very celebrated.
With GREAT JOY!

There was great joy because for the first time the hurts of the world, every single fear, all the poverty and all of the loss had HOPE, there was a Redeemer.  And it was joy for all people…A savior born!

What hasn’t changed for me this Christmas is that I still know of many whose deepest Christmas wish can’t be wrapped and placed under a tree.  There are desires that weigh heavily on my heart- I wish I could give gifts like forever homes for children, like safety for deployed loved ones.  If I only I could wrap up restored marriages, and healing for grieving hearts.  It would be awesome to mail gifts like an assurance of a next meal or like true freedom from abuse or addiction.  These are gifts I can neither give nor wish into being.

But I believe there is a Redeemer.  I believe in miracles- those I’ve seen and those I await.

Which is why more than anything, this Christmas, I want the WORLD…or at least my little world…to see us CELEBRATE.  I don’t want anyone to misperceive our belief to be that the more we experience hurt, frustration, disappointment, or grief means the less we celebrate Christmas.

While I know its a crazy ridiculously fine balance- in some ways I think this means we have to celebrate in a way the world can recognize.  Maybe it means I put up a giant tree.  Maybe it means we give gifts to teachers and friends.  Maybe it means we wear matching Christmas outfits and take festive pictures.  Because this is a PARTY.  And maybe by celebrating we won’t lose the spirit of Christmas- maybe instead we’ll lead others straight into it.  We may not celebrate by romping in the field with our sheep, but maybe we’ll celebrate by romping down the street to look at Christmas lights.  And there, in a whisper, I’ll hear my sweet little girl remind us all, “At Christmas we celebrate that Jesus is born!”  And I’ll answer, “That’s right, baby.  We certainly do.  We definitely celebrate!”

This year, we CELEBRATE.  Like the angels did.  Like the shepherds did.  Like the Wisemen and Mary and Joseph did.  Because Jesus came humbly.  But he also came CELEBRATED.

 Lately, I’ve been making an effort to embrace my unpinterestable spirit. I’ve been letting my kids decorate the back door. With no pattern. And I let them decorate their own Christmas tree without forcing them to finish or worrying about whether the lights matched.

After hours scouring the web for ideas- to purchase or copy- this year’s advent calendar is at the very top of my unpinterestable list.

It cost approximately nothing.  KJ and I measured, cut and tied the string.  Cbug made all of the numbers and I even let him cut them out without regard to whether any of them were the same size or shape.  We even stuck holes in the wall with thumb tacks.  GASP.

I used a hodge podge of websites and google images to make the nativity characters we are adding each night.  And I stole the wording from the advent calendar my brothers and I used as children.  Finally, written on the back of each character is our daily “family activity” for counting down the days until Christmas- other unpinterestable ideas like making nativity scenes out of playdough.  (you can read about our 2011 and 2012 countdowns here and here for unpinterestable ideas to share with your family.  I’ll post a recap of this year at the end of the month-ish.)

And voila, an advent calendar that is absolutely my very favorite ever.

It is hanging right smack dab in the middle of my dining room where everyone who enters my home can see it.  It is placed like a treasure because we love it that much- not because anyone else would see any value in it.

It is unpinterestable.  And it is so very perfect for our family.

So here’s to you.  Whether pinterestable.  Or un.
Find JOY this Christmas in using your talents to embrace the holiday season.
And find ways to share that joy with others.

 ABL

A summer night, just one month after KJ was born, RRL and I were sitting at one of my favorite places- my parents’ dining room table.  There aren’t many places I’d ever rather be.  Usually it means good food, lots of laughter, maybe some snarky comments from a brother or two and always always always leaving so full my pants need to be loosened and my heart might explode.

On this occassion the entire dinner time crowd was in a spell- staring and swooning over our sweet first born son.  “Nonna” was loving playing her new role and “Granny Frannie” an adopted grandmother was happy to step-in when she needed a free hand.  At some point during dinner one of them mentioned, “ABL, isn’t this just the sweetest time of your ENTIRE life?”

And I burst into tears.

Oh, heavens- I sure hope not.  Because if you are telling me that cleaning yellow slimy poop, struggling to breast feed, and not sleeping (oh, how I missed sleep) are the sweetest times of my life- I’m not sure I’m cut out for this parenting thing.  Sure, I loved the little guy in a completely unexplainable sort of way.  Somehow, although no formula could rationalize it, I was absolutely head-over-heels for him.  But I also loved sleep.  Really missed it.  Lots.

I was smack dab in my first of four periods of “I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired. Will I ever sleep again?  I’m not sure rational sentences are even coming out of my mouth.  What day is it?” exhaustion.  And every single time I had a baby, even with more wisdom and less stress in each subsequent period, it was overwhelming.  Yes, every.single.time.

But guess what? And depending on where you are right now in the sleepless-night-stage this may shock you:
Each time I came out on the other side.  At some point (and the points were broadly mapped across the spectrum with our four), I did sleep.

If there is any one question I get asked by other moms most frequently, this probably is it:
HOW do I get them to SLEEP?

Here is usually my answer:  “I have no idea.”
Which is why this blog is read by 5.3 people.  Ok, sure, I have ideas.  Lots of ideas.  But beware: so does every other mom you ask.  Everysingleone.  So, do yourself a favor- don’t ask.

Because unfortunately (or actually, fortunately) every single baby is different.  So there won’t be a perfect solution, created by someone else, that will work for your baby.  I’m so sorry.  If you haven’t already, you have GOT to go read this hilarious post by Matt Walsh about why we’ve gotta quit parenting other people’s kids.  Read a few things online if you need to, to make yourself feel better, pick one trusted friend to vent to, and then just do what you gotta do to survive.

And for that, I actually DO have some suggestions.
Tips for surviving sleepless nights (none of which have to do with making your baby sleep more):

1) Hide treats for yourself.  Whatever you love- a favorite lotion, some chocolate, a healthy snack (i mean, if you’re like that), a book.  Make them accessible.  Forget a sock drawer in the nursery- you need a survival drawer.  Because lets be real, if you’ve been up 199 times already you don’t want to go scrounging around downstairs for these items.

2) Have your husband (or friend or mom) write you notes about what a great mom you are.  These should be very short and easy to read in a state of delirium.  Wives- YES!  It is absolutely ok to ASK your husband to do this.  He won’t ever think to do it on his own, but he’ll be so thrilled that his way to “help” at night can be accomplished in the day.  Post these on your bathroom mirror, on a table in the baby’s room or as book marks in that book you’ve stashed (see #1).  Believe the words written in love.  Don’t let the enemy of doubt creep into the literal darkness of night.  Its one of his favorite places to lurk.  Instead, believe that you were made for this purpose and this baby was made for greatness.

3) Write yourself notes: “This won’t last forever”  “In the morning he’ll be adorable”  or favorite verses or other quotes you find encouraging.  Put them where you’ll see them.  On top of the wipes dispenser, on the diaper trash can, near the crib, beside your clock (I mean have those glowing red numbers EVER been so annoying)- wherever your eyes might go before your brain goes somewhere you don’t want it to be: COVER that space.

3) Get a hobby– something you like doing when you are awake for longer periods of time and something you might even start looking forward to. (watching Downton Abbey, Play Sudoku  reading children’s books to your baby, picking out paint colors for the dining room.  You know- hypothetically speaking.) Pick something you’ll be proud of in the morning.  Beware of addictions.

4) Keep a journal to jot down notes- on paper or just in your phone.  Just write down where-ever your crazy brain takes you on that midnight train.  You will either A- literally laugh out loud later reading what you thought were perfectly rational thoughts at the time or B-record something that only the Lord could have spoken through an exhausted heart. Either way- it will be a best seller!  Do me a favor though- don’t post any of these thoughts online until you are awake enough to be sure you really wanted to share that.

5) Remember it is ok to walk away and breathe.  I’m not talking cry it out (remember this is not about how to make your baby sleep).  I’m just saying- recognize your limit and believe with your heart that if you need to put your baby in a safe place for a few minutes and walk to another room in the middle of the night (while munching on something from your stash), this is perfectly acceptable- even commendable.

6) PRAY!  I know, I just lost a few of you.  But really.  Try this:  Pray for your baby. Pray for your husband.  Pray for your coming day.  Make a list during daytime hours of other people you can pray for.  Grab that list at the moment in which you are thinking your life might be the hardest of all lives ever created.

None of these will make your baby sleep more.  That’s my disclaimer.  But maybe one of these will help you make it to the other side!  There is light ahead, I promise.  There are many blessings that will come from this season, indeed.  You’ll depend on others, your baby will depend on you, you are just at the very beginning of a relationship that will ROCK YOUR WORLD.

And I think that is what they meant that summer night around my Momma’s table- they knew that this sweet baby being born (keeping me up at night, not withstanding) was the beginning of greatness for me.  They’d seen their own babies grow AND SLEEP and love and learn and change and share and give and become.  They’d seen the path that would lead out of those sleepless and selfless nights, so they could recognize the beauty of the beginning.  A beginning I now know I wouldn’t trade for all the sleep in the world.

ABL

These matching-but-not-twin brothers had “Superhero Day” at school today.  When they came downstairs in their matching costumes, I swooned.  (Thanks, Uncle Dan and Aunt Diana).  I mean, seriously, how cute are they?  So, I said “Boys, I know you wouldn’t want to leave for school without letting me take pictures of your awesome capes, right? And good news, we’ll have just enough time”.  Shockingly, this idea was met with much groaning.  And then, in a lightbulb moment from Cbug, “Mom, I really like treats.”  Sure, bud, I can play that game.  “I won’t give you a treat, but I will give you each a penny.”  They must be growing up because they laughed at my offer and raised it to a dime.  You got it!  Then it was cold outside so they each got twenty cents.  Riches, I tell ya.  I love these two!

And my superheros would like to remind you that the 5th annual Teen Lifeline 5K is only a couple of days a way.  Please consider supporting our team this weekend as we work together to make a difference.  Any amount truly does help- who knows, maybe together we’ll be real life crime fighters!  

ABL

not to cough.sputter.spew. my coffee.  My mind raced a million miles a minute as to how I was going to politely excuse myself from this task.  “Um- I’m so sorry.  You must have the wrong mom.  You meant Jane’s mom, the artist, right? Apparently you forgot you were getting stuck with KJ’s mom the accountant.  Creative= I’m OUT.”  But while my mind was racing she pulled up a picture on her phone and specific instructions about the poster she wanted.  I took a look and did some quick self-talk.  Before long I had myself talked down from the sweaty ledge and into a peaceful state of “Oh, you said create a poster, but what you meant was ‘Please set up and strategize a trace, cut, glue assembly process”.  Got it.  I’m back.  Totally got this.  Give me five minutes to think and I’ll have it figured out- and you can bet it will be efficient and effective to the max.  My happy place.