1) The video

I love adding this video to the collection started with KJ and Cbug at 5.  And I love how evident their earliest differences are in the collection of pictures chosen for each one.  Lou’s video reminds me that one of her earliest words was BOW, that she’s been a little Momma since before she could even walk and that there was a streak of adorable sass and charm flowingly freely from the beginning!

https://youtu.be/vOr_LXqObTw

2) Lou’s 5 year-old-interview, just like KJ and Cbug had.

A: Do you know what an interview is?
L: I think it is like um you know how. Um. I think. Actually I don’t know what I think it is.

A: An interview is where I ask you some questions about turning five.  Ok?
L: Yeah.

A: What is your favorite Color?
Lou: pink and purple

A: What is your favorite thing to do with Daddy?
Lou: Read stories with him.

A: What is your favorite thing to do with Mommy?
Lou: Play kitchen or help you cook.

A: Favorite thing to do with KJ and Cbug?
Lou: Play with superheros.

A: What about Christopher?
Lou: Play trains with him.

A: Who is your favorite Princess?
Lou: Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine.  Is it ok if I have 2 favorites?  Oh, and Repunzel, Tiana and Belle, too.
A: so all of them?
Lou: Yes, pretty much.

A: Where is your favorite place to go?
Lou: T.C.B.Y !!!!

A: What is your favorite thing to wear?
Lou: clothes or dressup clothers?
A: Whichever you want to tell me about.
L: Both.  Sleeping beauty gown for pajamas. Sleeping beauty dress up dress for pretending. And any kind of dress for wearing to go somewhere

A: What is your favorite thing to eat?
L: Pizza. And cake. And cupcakesAnd all desserts.

A: What makes you laugh?
Lou: Well, like when someone says a funny joke.  Like the interrupting animal knock-knock jokes

A: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lou: Be or Do? Can we do both?
I wanna do legos with my children, help them build things. And I want to BE a teacher.

A: What do you want to teach your kids when you are a Mommy?
Lou: About Jesus and God.

A: What is your favorite bible verse?
Lou:  The 23rd Psalm

A: Do you want to tell me about anything else in your interview?
Lou: yes, I want to tell you what kinds of icecream I like.
I like chocolate and strawberry and vanilla and icecream sandwiches.  And any kind of icecream.  But not banana icecream.

Lou: Oh, I do want to interview one more thing.
A: Oh, what is that?
L: I want to tell you that I really like Halloween.
Because we get treats.
And Christmas
Because I get presents.

3) The party

We had so much fun having an all girls day at the American Girl Doll store with your friend IGR and her Momma.  You chose this double stroller as your present and I love that you can’t imagine any other way to haul babies than multiple ones at a time.   You and I had the best time decorating cupcakes, making cards, and shopping together.  You both CRASHED in the car on the way home.

4) The birthday DAY

And on your birthday we celebrated the usual way- You pick the place, we buy the donuts.  The only difference this time is that we loaded your stroller up to take along with your babies.  They certainly couldn’t miss the celebrations!  

5) The letter

Lou-

Truth is, Sister, I didn’t write you a letter when you turned 5.  Truth is, I’m posting these pictures, video and interview months after that day.  Truth is, I’m doing it now because you are suddenly turned 6 and I want to savor and remember 5 and Kindergarten and little years that are fading fast.  Three days after your 5th birthday your cousins moved in and we had a whirlwind of a summer.  I want you to know, though, you were very celebrated when you hit the big 5 because its one whole hand and also because you are INCREDIBLE.  We had a super fun party, Daddy made you a video that you loved watching and Momma interviewed you- the usual 5 stuff for our house.  We just never posted them.  So, here they are now- to save and to savor.  We loved you so much that day, and even more today.  Thanks for being Lou.

Love you times one million,

Momma

I thrive in community. No really. Like breath or water or a roof over my head, I need to live with people. I find I am my best me when I’m surrounded by people encouraging me to be just that.

Which is why when we had lived in our hometown for several years, attending the church where RRL was on staff, I was incredibly discouraged that we still felt like we were swimming alone. We had people, mentors, who took such good care of us during that time. Seriously, we were spoiled rotten. But it didn’t equate to people we were really doing life with. I can’t quite explain it. I just know that like a huger pain, there was something deep within me crying out for COMMUNITY.

All those years ago- nearly 10 now- I prayed and prayed and prayed that The Lord would direct us into a group of friends. I won’t lie, I tried desperately to try to answer my own prayer. You know, just in case the King of the Universe was a little too busy or something. And let me tell you- my plans were top notch.

Like the time I walked up to a family I’d never met (but always sat behind in church) and asked them if they’d consider volunteering with us in the Youth Group. Just because I thought they looked young and fun. Yep. Good one.

But not nearly as good as the one where I tried to find community in a singing group. Which isn’t nearly as hilarious if you haven’t heard me sing. Or if you don’t know I just went because a sweet older gentleman mentioned the word “community” when he invited me. Or if I left out the part about it being a weekly visit to a nursing home. The cool thing is, I did actually meet some people there, but shockingly I didn’t last long. Fish out of water.

And then. Then. When I least expected it and when I was just going about what I already loved doing, it happened. Community came to me.

At a youth retreat, a sweet friend mentioned that she was training for a half marathon. Sounded liked fun, I invited a college roomie to join us and a running group was born. I loved those Saturday mornings. Running followed by CFA chicken biscuits. And community. Mostly with people from the singles group (I’ll omit the part of the story where happily married RRL and I actually tried to infiltrate the singles group because we loved hanging out with these people so much).

And then when I was pregnant with KJ, bemoaning that I couldn’t continue marathon training with those friends, I decided to give water aerobics a try. And an awesome mentor nearly forced me to invite a girl I knew from ACU. I knew her, but we were about as different as could be. I was super hesitant, knowing she’d be way too cool for me (I’m not exaggerating, she really was/is), but shockingly she said yes. And somehow, despite my insecurities it worked. We worked. We had our first two babies each within weeks of each other both times, and then a third each just six months apart. My how The Lord knew I’d need her.

And over the years all of these friends became people I love to run with but more importantly that I’d run to the ends of the earth for. They’ve not only done life with us, but on occasion they’ve done life for us, holding us up when we couldn’t go alone. They were some of the primary answers to our trumpet call.

And years later when I think back to my feeble attempts to create something on my own, I can almost see Him with a grin and a whisper. “Wait for it. Wait for it… Just be patient. When you are ready to release it to me, you’ll be amazed to see what I’ve already done. What thrills I have. For you. Like breath and water and a roof over your head. I have for you a community.”

In a way only someone who made me could know- The Lord knew my deepest needs.  He knew I woulf find him when I was exercising. He knew that I would open my heart most when I was moving and testing and strengthening what my body could do. When I run, I find Him. I hear Him.

And today, ya’ll. Years later. That community and exercise are one. A group of women meeting together once every week. We meet to exercise, but more always happens. The chatter and laughter and prayers and encouragement that fill the halls and parking lot each week says so much. Not just “I love to run” but “I do not run alone”.

In this post are pictures of some of those sweet ones from that group.  The one I’ve run literal races with for more than 10 years and life for many more.  Who challenges me on the clock, but way more in my heart.  And the one who is always my “wingman”, taking my most hare-brained ideas and encouraging me to not give up.  She supports me in ways that want me to be that for others.  She runs WITH me.  And the ones who grew up in our youth group and into beautiful women who bless me and encourage me (and help raise my children).  And the one I want to “be like when I grow up” because of how she lives her “my kids are grown” years.  And the amazing home-from-the-field-but-still-a-missionary missionary.  And a couple of my very favorite hero single moms.  And the ones leaving soon to minister in another part of the world. And the awesome minister. And. And.And.  They are “mine” in community.  And they make me better.  So.Much.Better.

We call the group “Running on Empty” because we know that sometimes you do. Just like sometimes you don’t want to run, but know you’ll feel better after; sometime in life you come weary and empty, having poured out everything you have.  Some days you just don’t feel like going forward ANOTHER STEP. But when you step into a community, hopefully you’ll find someone to encourage you to run anyway. Pressing forward, knowing you’ll be filled. That you’ll meet Him. And hear Him.

 So maybe now, when I blow up your Facebook feed each week with invitations to join us. Or when you see pictures like the ones in this post- from races completed together- maybe you’ll understand. You’ll know why exercising in a group is more than just fitness to me. It’s a passion. Because it is community.

There’s nothing about His promises that say “walk with me and I’ll make it easy.” But this was that time when The Lord said “would you quit trying so hard and just do what you love- what I created you to love”. And I took off running.

Running to community.

ABL

If you are looking for a place in our area to join a group of women in exercise and community, I hope you’ll consider joining “Running on Empty”.  We have a variety of exercise experiences and stages in life- everyone is welcome!  This Thursday night would be a PERFECT first-time opportunity. We are having a “summer kick-off” complete with prizes, snacks, and an amazing trainer teaching us about summer exercise!  Send me a message to get more info.

And, if you don’t live in my area, considering following our lead.  Let me know if you’d like help getting started. Pick a night of the week, invite some friends to join you and start exercising together.  More importantly, start living together.

Wanna know what I’m done with?

I’m done with May being busier than December.

Mother’s Day.  Many family bdays.  Last day(s) of school.  Field Day(s). Field Trip(s). Awards Ceremonies.  Volunteer Appreciation(s).  Prep for summer.  We don’t even DO extra-curricular activities right now and STILL.  Seriously!  All super fun things.  All things I want to honor.  All things that could be spread out over the other 11 months of the year (scratch that- 10 months, December is already full).

So, instead of following my first instinct: crawl in a hole and hide until it is over. I chose something slightly more responsible: fake it till I make it.  Well, that AND read a book.  The book is called “Say Goodbye to Survival Mode” and it was written for moms.  The author never says it, but I’d say it was written for “Moms in May”, especially.  I’ll let you read it for yourself, but here’s my big take away:

I’m RECLAIMING!

I’m reclaiming MY space, MY time, MY priorities, MY freetime and MY money.  (If you know me very well you know I don’t mean MINE but rather that which has been entrusted TO me from HIM, but roll with me…)

The short list of projects for my kick-off to “reclaiming” is this:

Reclaim mornings and evenings: Build a routine for mornings and evening/bedtime (author, Crystal Paine’s idea, not mine). Include a go to sleep time, and wake-up time.  Include breakfast in the morning and relaxation before bed.  Include time in the Word and worshiping and praying alone.

Reclaim birthday parties (when you have many small children this is bigger than it sounds) : spend less on things that will get thrown away, do parties at home, let kids plan them, have ZERO jobs at the party that keep me from enjoying and remembering them. (more coming soon on this)

Reclaim the adult zone: Our master bedroom and bathroom are OFF LIMITS for clutter (literal and emotional).  No stacks of mail, no piles of laundry, no reminders of tasks undone.  This doesn’t mean I’m getting all this done, it just means it needs to live somewhere other than where I start and end my day (I recognize that NONE is a lofty goal, but if I can even get in the neighborhood it will help).

Reclaim the KID time: Cut down on distractions during my very few key kid hours.  No social media, no phone calls, no writing/reading (again- NONE is lofty).  instead, use those hours for listening, playing, working TOGETHER on home tasks, etc.

Reclaim priorities:  To keep from having my priorities dictated by other people’s urgencies, I’m making a list.  It isn’t super detailed yet, and its exactly what you would expect- relationship with the Lord, Relationship with RRL, relationship with  kiddos, personal health and wellness.  I’m writing them down.  Multiple places if I have to, and reminding myself that every “yes” to tasks and responsibilities has to fit in one of these priorities.

and finally- and the reason for this post:

Reclaim some FREETIME.  You know what I love?  I love writing and documenting my growing family and our adventures.  You know what I spent zero time doing this week (other than taking pictures)?  Documenting our family. 

Wanna know what I know nothing about or really have any interest in?  Crossfit.  Wanna know what I spent a ridiculous amount of time reading articles and watching videos about this week? Crossfit. 

So, that explains that.  I’ve got to find a way to be done with the mindless scroll, click, browse that sucks times and leaves zero benefit.  It isn’t even relaxing.  So (and again this was her idea, not mine), I’m quitting facebook.  

Soon, you will all be unfriended.

ON facebook, not in life.

Here’s the rub.  I like being connected to YOU.  I love sharing about our adventures.  Writing is therapeutic and your responses are encouraging and insightful.  So, here’s the compromise:  I’ve created a facebook page just for this blog.  Search for “Deep Rolling Right Field” and voila!  Whether I know you are not, though, you are welcome to follow along- and I really hope you will.

And if you do know me in FOR REALS life- I’d love to keep hearing about you, too.  When I see you.  Or when you text me.  Or when you email me adorable pictures.  Or when I read your blog (I still use BlogLovin).  Because I do care about you and I’m thankful you care about us.  I just don’t care about why other people do/do not do Crossfit- or any other of the 1398556726 things I’ve wasted my freetime on!

And that friends- is how I’m “RECLAIMING”

I suppose that was entirely too long of an explanation of this silly change on social media that impacts 4.2 people (being generous), but I wanted to share because its way more than a social media change to me.  Its a heart and lifestyle change.  And I’ll be honest- “reclaiming” is actually kind of fun. 

ABL

As RRL and I drove along the highway, on a rare road trip without the noise of children, we talked about life, we laughed about funny things our kids say and we planned for the changes our family will soon face.  It was a sweet time.

But, twice during our time in the car, our conversations were interrupted.  I listened while my husband took calls and did his “job”.  Twice he talked to parents who love teenagers who are struggling.  He offered hope and help.  As he listened to things about these teenagers that would shock some, he responded with grace and love and genuine concern. 

Each time as he finished the calls we drifted back into our conversations and enjoying our time together.  But what he was doing so naturally wasn’t missed.  And whether we acknowledge it (or in this case, not) I know he does what he does not because it is his job, but because of who he is.  He’s living the rebellion against hopelessness.

There’s something I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband believes.  I know he believes in hope and healing.  And he believes God is good.  I know he believes these things because he lives them. 

I know he believes these things because for much of the last couple of weeks, in the late hours of the night, this is where I found him.

Painting. And building. And planning. For this.

This weekend the church we attend, The HIlls, is having “Renew weekend“.  It is an opportunity for us to learn more about and partner with organazations, like Ricky and Teen Lifeline, who are DOING something.  I’ve written before about Lifeline taking time and effort to know the stories of teens so they can help.  But there are also organizations offering homes for the homeless, families for the orphans, food for the hungry, hope for the troubled, and help for the forgotten. 

And for the week, the atrium of the building has been filled with displays like this one, giving information about these organzations offering an alternative to hurt: hope.  Last weekend, as I walked in to the center of the area where the displays were set up, and I as I read about the different organizations represented, I was surrounded by a flood of realization.  The realization that there are people everywhere, for a thousand different reasons, who need.  It is overwhelming. 

It is not hard for me to want to join the fight for the unborn, for the trafficked child, for the orphans.  Its not hard for me to want to support my husband as he fights for teenagers.  What’s hard for me is choosing.  It can become parazlyzing to know that there is SO MUCH TO DO.  Honestly, sometimes it can be so paralyzing that I do nothing.

But standing there, watching hundreds of people come to learn more, watching children with their parents and those come who have long since raised their children, watching my own little rascals come and join the fight changed something in me.  We can do this.  Not all of it, but what is in front of us- that we can do.

In Nehemiah, the destruction of the wall and the city were far extending.  It was an impossible task.  It was hopeless.  But together. 

Do you know how they made progress?  Read the book, the long list of names, and you’ll see.  They did it together.  Many joined. The high priest and the temple servants, the district rulers and their daughters, the goldsmith and the countymen.  Each did their part.  And many times it was just “each in front of his own home”. 

Can’t you just picture it? A bunch of hopeless rubble, the noise of a disheatening enemy and yet- if you looked to your left or glanced to your right you knew you weren’t alone.  You knew you’d get weary working on your section, but if you did what you could, brick by brick you’d see the difference. 

 And most of all, together they could be reminded that GOD was at work.  By not working alone, by choosing to gather together, the disheartening echos of hopelessness were overshadowed by the testimonies of “GOD IS GOOD, restoration is underway.”

Alone it was futile, but together the fight was strong.  Together the wall was rebuilt. 

I want my children to know what their Daddy does for a “job”.  But more than that I want them to know why.  I want them to know they can fight, too.  I want them to join.  Because I want to see restoration.   

Don’t you?

“The God of heaven will give us success.  We his servants will start rebuilding…” -Nehemiah 2:20

Join today. Whether you go to The Hills and will physically be part of this weekend’s giving, or whether you use this as an opportunity to find out about the needs around you, you can participate.  Give your time, give your money, pray. Do what is right in front of you. And when you get discouraged, when it seems like there is too much to do. Don’t be paralyzed. Look to your right. Look to your left. And know you don’t fight alone.

ABL

Fact.

From a very early age, I prayed that I would have twins.

Fact.

The idea is now laughable to me that I wanted so badly to have two babies AT ONCE.

Fact.

The Lord delighted, instead, in making these matching-but-not-twin brothers.

Fact.

They make me laugh every.single.day.

Fact.

I’m so blessed to be their mom.

ABL

(Bonus Fact.  Nearly every time I try to take a picture of these two clowns, this is what happens.  I begin by asking them to take one picture smiling at the camera and in under 3 minutes the result is  a camera full of craziness.)

The plan for our perfect Easter picture was simple.

We would set the timer and take 4 serious pictures,

Then three silly.

Viewing the results, it might surprise you to see

Only one rule-following member of our family

Actually counted to four before silliness.

Then again.  If you know him,

You probably weren’t surprised one bit.

ABL

Tito-
You are FINALLY two. For weeks you’ve been saying “two” when asked your age. I would always follow with “almost”, to which you eventually caught on. So, for days after your birthday you kept right on saying “I two….almost”. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

I also love it when you call yourself “Tito”. But had to laugh when you managed to convince your school teachers that you thought your name was “Turtle”. You thought it was hilarious so you just kept on agreeing with them.

In addition to your own name, you’ve learned so much this year- you finally learned to walk around 15 months, you completely feed yourself with a fork and spoon and your vocabulary seems to leap everyday. Some of my favorite things you say are:
“Tito’s turn” (a slightly more pleasant version of “mine”)
“I like it” (with face scrunched indicating you do NOT like it)
“Brother Ray” (your favorite person- who works at your preschool)
“Read David” or “Read Brown Bear” (favorite Bible story and favorite book)
“I hello” (meaning you’d like to talk on the phone)

You are pretty predictable, which makes it pretty easy to figure out what you need. You eat a breakfast cereal bar and drink prune juice nearly every morning, and your internal clock goes off at 5:00 each evening for dinner. You start with a pleasant “I eat?” but if we don’t get it on your tray soon enough, you do not appreciate it one bit. And when you get sleepy you say “Paci, lovey, night-night”, go through your night time routine, and climb in your big boy bed to sleep.

Our family is incredibly blessed by your disposition. You are hilarious and love to entertain us. This year that part of your personality has really come alive.You’re earliest comedic routine was to bang your head on the dining room table and look up to see who was watching. We all roared. And once you got a taste of that lime-light, you haven’t stopped entertaining us. We ooh and ah when you say pieces of your memory verses, make animal noises, “hide” in obvious places or help “read” books you’ve memorized. We laugh when you sing “Let it go” at the top of your lungs, or when you are feeling generous and share the spotlight with Lou for a duet rendition of “Do you want to build a snowman?”.

But as much as you love the spotlight at home, you don’t really care to fight for it in public. It takes you a while to warm up and you’ll rarely “perform” for anyone else. You cried every day of preschool for the first two months, in great disbelief that we would leave you. You aren’t necessarily shy, but you prefer to be with your family- especially your Daddy. Oh, BOY, are you two attached. If you see a car on the road that even slightly resembles his you’ll ask “Daddy frontofus?” And if you so much as hear the garage door squeek you’ll run yelling “DADDDYYYYYYYYYY’S HOME!” Don’t you worry, buddy, he is pretty smitten, too.

In fact, we all are. And so many others that meet you are, too. From the moment I first held you there was something unique about your demeanor. I’ve always called you “peaceful” (which, of course, doesn’t mean you don’t act like a two-year-old). There is something calming, charming and endearing about your presence. I think you have a lot of your Great-Grandmother Hayes in you. And there’s just about no higher compliment I could pay you.

This year I’m praying that you’ll continue to delight in being with your family because we certainly can’t get enough of you. But I’m also praying that you’ll love sharing that peaceful presence with others. Your name means “One who bears Christ” which goes so well with that peace. I pray that in being just who He created you to be, you’ll bring peace to many.

I love you, buddy!
Momma

I haven’t been writing. I’ve been a little worried that if I let my fingers start brushing across the keys, pieces of my heart might get exposed that I wasn’t ready to deal with. And those pieces certainly weren’t for public viewing. I couldn’t bring myself to even do everyday posts about life and celebrations and my adorable kiddos because each day was wrapped in a sense of guarded-ness. A desire to not let anyone know the dark and ugly struggles of my heart.

You see, like many of you, I’ve experienced battle. Real, nearly tangible, arrows flying, wound-creating, battle. And I’ve seen this spiritual battle impact people I love in ways that left me reeling, left me reexamining what I’ve always thought to be true, left me raw. But this is a story that doesn’t end there. It doesn’t get wrapped up with a pretty bow, but it doesn’t end with me on the ground.

I got up. This is that story.

Recently, I watched as people I love stepped boldly out in faith. To do one of the most selfless things I can think of. It is their story to tell, but just know that they nearly danced out into the storm believing they were going where God had asked them to step. But then, they just came home. They returned seemingly washed back up on the sand like driftwood. In a turn of events that can’t be explained, they went to bring home a child, but came home with hands empty. Hearts aching. Wounded.

I’ve also struggled mightily to understand why the situation RRL and I said “yes” to is not yet resolved. Why offering hope and help and JESUS has not seemed “enough” in my human measure of resolution. I’ve doubted, I’ve questioned, I’ve literally threatened to give up. Wounded.

I’ve struggled to stand with many who question why children get so very sick. Why families aren’t restored. Why precious ones die. Why the help we offer seems futile. Wounded.

Hear me. I believe.FULLY.that there is HOPE. That in the rewards of eternity, these deepest heart struggles will be but a blip on the timeline. But in the same breath- if it is even possible- I can not reconcile that hope with the pain of wounded believers. And recently, as a result of that, I got mad- really mad. I didn’t reject God. But I let Him know that there wasn’t an ounce of me that could understand. Not much of me that could be happy. That could see the GOOD. I limped. Wounded.

Through the exposure to pain, I fell to a deep spiritual low, and it was there that I found myself believing I was a victim. The health struggles, financial frustrations, disappointment in people, despair in trying to offer help, heart-ache at knowing that children suffer. I believed all of it was a battle. An attack from satan. On me. and I wondered why God wasn’t stopping it. If you’ve been there, you know- it is dark.

Praise the LORD he didn’t let me stay there. Thankfully he sent person after person- some directly and some through written words- to remind me of TRUTH. And over and over he’s been implanting Truth in my heart. And the truth is this:

We are not the victims. We are not even the targets. RRL and I, we have nothing for satan. Our souls are already claimed. Our victory is won. We could lose everything else, and it wouldn’t change that. So, why in the world would he bother with us?

Unless.

Unless there is more. Unless it isn’t me that he is after. Unless, instead, he’s after what I defend. The souls of those I love. The hearts of people I may not even know. Those who haven’t decided. Those who haven’t chosen. Those who haven’t heard and believed.

Like a soldier in an army is not the target of the attack, maybe neither is the believer. Like the soldier is part of a wall set to defend the city, maybe also is a believer.

There is a part of me that believed that if I crumbled as the arrows cut deep, as battle wounds festered, the enemy would stop to celebrate. But maybe instead, he would march right over me and plunge deeper toward his ultimate goal. The souls of the undecided.

I have come to believe that I have a choice.

I can be a victim. I can see the arrows that fly as attacks on me. And I can be consumed by that. I can crumble under my own struggle to understand and in my own doubts.

Or, I can be someone who chooses that no matter what arrows fly my way, I will continue to be part of this army. I will GET.BACK.UP. and share hope through my words and actions and family. Even if I do it so very poorly and even if I have to limp, I won’t give up. Because I am not the victim.

I cannot tell you honestly that I’m thankful yet for battle wounds. I cannot tell you that I understand that my wounds are small scratches compared to the persecution others face. I can’t tell you that I’ve reconciled my faith with the pain I see. I don’t understand wounds and though I believe in redemption, I can’t fully fathom it.

BUT I know I don’t fight of my own strength.
And because of that I think that maybe wounded and limping soldiers are the best kind. Maybe the only kind. Maybe the only way to fight for others is just to be willing to get up. Again. And again. And again.

I’m not going to say that this perspective shift has changed the fact that I am frustrated by the pain I see.
I’m still wounded.
And I’m not going to say it has made me any less human in my interactions with others, in the words I speak and in the way I respond.
I’m still limping.

But today, I’m getting back up. I’m not giving up. I’m choosing to believe in miracles and choosing to believe in victory. And tomorrow, when my body aches and my soul is tired, I’ll choose to do it again.

Because it isn’t about me. I have nothing to lose, and they have everything to gain.
And.it.is.worth.it.
ABL

I love having a girl. I do.
And I’m 100% sure I gave birth to this one.
But somedays I do wonder how it is possible that SHE is MINE.

Some things about her are just like me.
She likes to plan. She likes people. She likes to go go go.
She has my hands.

But a lot of her is not me at all.
The princess pose. Not me.

The needing her fingernails painted. Not me.

Sitting as long as requires to have her hair styled. So not me. (Obviously, as evidenced by the terrible job I did as the styler.)

When my girl (who can’t possibly be mine) was invited by her favorite guy to attend the Daddy/Daughter princess ball, she was ALL IN! At about 4 pm she announced a desperate need to start the preparations for the party. After all, it was only TWO AND A HALF HOURS until her date would pick her up. Seriously.

And she had a precise plan about how the getting ready would go down. Including, but limited to…

Nails and hair,

a specific dress, bow, and shoes (slightly adapted when one aurora shoe was determined to be out of commission),

And hiding away until her Daddy was completely ready to receive her.

Apparently, I almost ruined this part, without knowing the plan. I was talking to RRL on the phone while I fixed her hair, briefly mentioned that we were curling away and looked down to horror on her face. “Mommmmm. He can’t know, yet.” Oh, excuse me. Top secret.

RRL got home, changed clothes and waited at the bottom of the stairs (per princess instructions).

The look on her face as she took his hand literally took my breath away. I could fast forward all too easily in my mind to a place I’m not ready to go quite yet. TIME.STOP.NOW.

She posed for the going away photos and I’m pretty sure danced on air the rest of the evening.

All the while I was wearing comfy sweats, hair in a bun, gathering belongings and hydrating for a 5k I was running the next AM. We were both in our (polar opposite) happy places.

I sure love my little Lou and the girly pizzaz she adds to our family.
What would we do without the princess factor?

ABL

I have to laugh when anyone asks what we did over Christmas.  Because to be so amazing, I sure haven’t talked about it much.  It may not be very well documented, but to us it was kinda a big deal.  Our little family of 6 drove to North Dakota.  It wasn’t a secret.  Not an intentional one, at least.  Its just that we spent most of the 10 days fairly unplugged and we arrived back to L-I-F-E.  

So, here ya go.  FINALLY.  The not-secret-on-purpose details of our Christmas adventure revealed in a format kind of like the 12 days of Christmas (only not at all.  don’t try to sing it, it won’t work).  We didn’t send out Christmas cards this year, didn’t give teachers Christmas gifts until we came back to school, didn’t do a lot of things because of one amazing trip.  We spent several weeks planning our roadtrip north, days packing for the excursion, and then 10 days away from home.  And at the end, I’d say it far surpassed all expectations.  If you were one of the haters who pointed out how cold it would be…well, you were right.  But we loved every minute of it.

12 Family members under one roof for Christmas
For years we weren’t together.  Between peace core commitments and deployments, we experienced just enough empty spots at the Christmas dinner table to know it wasn’t our favorite thing (like WAAAYYYYY down the list).  So, this year when my baby brother (seems weird to say about a Captain in the AF, but still true) said he couldn’t get leave to come from North Dakota to my parents house for Christmas, the choice was simple.  Minot, here we come.

We were together.  And it was worth it.

Here’s where I should shout out to my parents.  They were so gracious to give up Christmas at their house- which I know they love- to make sure this could happen.  And THEN they helped in lots of ways make sure we could all get there.  I love what they teach me about family.

Even bigger shout out to my precious sister-in-law who helped my brother be able to host this whole crew in their home.  Yep, we ALL stayed with them.  Including the bonus of the two doggy-cousins.  (See Cbugs new best bud, Champ, below).  The Captains worked so hard to make sure we could all stay at their house and maximize our time together.   They really went above and beyond in having rooms ready for everyone and meal plans and spoiling us in every possible way.

11  hours spent at the Mall of America

Our gifts to our kids this year were all “trip” related.  From new boots and warm clothes to tickets to some fantastic places.  Like the Nickelodean Universe amusement park…

…and the Lego and American Girl stores in the Mall of America.  They all were very brave about riding rides, the boys LOVED spending their “santa money” on Legos and Libby got to take my-now-her Samantha for a makeover.  Over the course of two days, a total of 11 hours, at this fun place- our kids had a BLAST.  Ok, so did their parents.

10 Days away from home

Its already crazy enough that we drove to North Dakota.  In December.  But to make it all the more crazy (and awesome), we didn’t go the short way.  We drove up via a West route that added about 5 driving hours to our trip and south via an east route that added about 2 hours.  I hate to brag on my kids (except i don’t mind at all)– but they ROCKED this road trip.  We did watch some movies and played some video games, but a lot of the time they read and played with toys and entertained themselves and talked and laughed.  oh, and ate.  YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN the backseat collection of crumbs.   

We all learned some things.  My kids learned to unbuckle and put coats on BEFORE opening van doors and to knock mud and snow off their shows everytime they re-entered.  I learned to feed Tito applesauce by reclining the seat until I was next to him and wrapping my arm around his rear-facing self.  Talents, people.  Tito enjoyed feeding snacks to his favorite travel buddy, “Mel-mo”.  

All of us were a little batty by the time we got within a few hours of arriving home.  But other than that last little stretch (see crazy face pics below),  I am AH-MAZED at how smoothly this went.

9 states traveled
This is one of my favorite things about our Christmas.  We actually slept in 5 different states, 4 of which I had never been to before. We drove through Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, and Missouri.  Shew.  I had a great plan to take pictures at every state sign.  Which didn’t really happen.  But I was absolutely determined to get a perfect family photo at the North Dakota sign.  This was worth documenting.  So, even though the temps were well below zero, RRL got the tripod set up, we bundled everyone up, set the timer, ran to the sign, did the cutest family pose (sweet Lou in cheerleader position) and then ran back to the car to unbundle, rebuckle and admire the results.  Which is why it was both hilarious and so sad that it turned out being only RRL’s backside and the rest of us not even in “ready” position.  Camera timer fail.  Just like the ND motto on the sign and just like our little trip north- the picture is LEGENDARY.  (as runners up, I also really like Cbugs interpretation of SD’s “Great faces” motto and my hubby and i under “the good life” in Nebraska).

8 days we saw snow
Snow is a commodity for our little crew.  KJ and Cbug, especially, loved romping in the snow, hiding in the snow forts their uncles helped them build and having snow ball fights.

7 suitcases loaded in the van
Packing for this trip was interesting- especially since we needed everything from swimsuits to snowsuits…times 6. I had a crazy awesome system for packing us for all the different stops so that we wouldn’t have to load/unload the whole van each time.

Unpacking was easy- it all just exploded into our entry way when we got home.

6 People to spoil small children
We spent nearly 4 days actually in Minot and by far the best part of that was watching my kids be so well loved.  Between Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents our kiddos always had someone to provide sweet treats, play games, read stories, snuggle…

…and of course provide some much loved Christmas presents.

5 Original Bradfields
And it wasn’t just my kids that were so well loved, I was, too.
No family is perfect.  But I sure love mine.  For years and years, I’ve loved the five of us…

…but now that we’ve added spouses, I love this group EVEN more.  I’d drive and drive for moments like this one (or I should say “ride and ride”, let’s be real I drove exactly none) .  We got all the kids in bed on Christmas eve and then enjoyed an “adults only” dinner.  Luckily, KJ needed a drink of water, mid-dinner, and came upstairs just in time to be picture taker.

4 Different hotel rooms
We learned all kinds of tricks for making small spaces work well for the 6 of us, and we actually really didn’t mind most of our hotels at all.  We mostly stayed LaQuinta and found them a reasonable balance of well priced and well kept. And bonus, we stayed in so many on this little adventure that our last night was nearly free.

A “we’ve been in hotels too long” story I love to retell was when Cbug yelled “MOM, Tito is pushing buttons on the Ah-Mah-Nah” again.  And when I finally figured out what he meant, I thought it was THE FUNNIEST THING EVER.  The fact that I found it so hilarious, and even took a picture of it, made me realize- I MUST GET HOME.

But my FAVORITE hotel memory is the night I spent dining on the floor with this guy toasting 12 years of marriage- with McDonalds sweet tea.  I won’t sap you out now, but if you wanna read about that night, I posted about it here.

3 Huge waterslides at the indoor waterpark
Like I said, this Christmas we gave our kids the gift of experience.  Each day, for 12 days leading up to Christmas, they got to open something.  Sometimes it was books to read in the car, sometimes snacks, but once it was a hotel WITH an indoor waterpark.  Apparently, these are pretty standard in the area we visited in South Dakota, because even our LaQuinta was attached to one.  And they were SUPER reasonably priced compared to the one in our town.  Our boys were in HEAVEN.  Libby loved it, too, but the boys really enjoyed the slides.  Cbug would literally RUN up the 70 stairs (one time I made him count them so I could catch up), slide down and do it again so quickly that he swallowed enough water to make himself just about puke.  So, he started a new routine of stairs, slide, toilet (just in case), stairs, slide, toilet.

KJ had quite the adventure in the lazy river (which is anything but lazy with boys).  He and I were playing bumper rafts (see- not lazy) and he hit is face on the front of his float, knocking out his (very loose) front tooth.  It sunk straight to the bottom (which he found hilarious) and he was missing his two front teeth for Christmas (which I found adorable).

2 Crazies playing in the snow at Mount Rushmore

Another “gift” was National monuments. We saw two this day- the still-in-process Crazy Horse monument, and Mount Rushmore.  If you haven’t been to Mount Rushmore, I can’t quite explain the feeling of standing under it.  Its just like the pictures- faces carved in rocks- but for some reason it is just about one of the coolest things I have EVER seen in person.  As you walk up to the monument, one of your first glimpses is between the rows of state flags.  I know I’m sappy, but that moment was so powerful.

I absolutely LOVED the time I got to spend with Cbug, playing in the snow in the ampitheater that is right at the base of Mountain.  Everyone else mostly stayed inside (again with the FREEZING cold temps), but he was determined to play.  How could I say “no” to “may I go play in the snow” in front of Mount Rushmore.  How many kids can say they’ve done that (or adults for that matter).  Not very many.  In fact, approx 5000 people PER DAY visit Mount Rushmore in the summer.  But only about 100 in the winter.  There is a reason for that BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, but its kinda cool that we were among the few this year.

Crazy Horse

1 Detour to see the Badlands
Have I said “my favorite” yet?  Well, then this was my “surprise favorite” part of the trip. If I hadn’t been researching this trip like crazy, we might have missed this gorgeous slice of our country.  Seriously beautiful.  But the main scenic route was under repairs so we had to really work to get ther.   As we turned off the main interstate onto a small road which turned into an unpaved road into what seemed like the middle of nowhere, I really doubted myself.  You can’t see the spectacularness from the interstate so you might just miss it, but when you do finally arrive- wowzers.  And covered in snow- double wowzers.  I do wish we had been there sans small children so we could do more exploring, but we all enjoyed the views for a little bit and the visitors center was fun for the kids.

Which is actually a perfect way to sum up this trip- the whole thing was quite an unexpected blessing.   It was a Christmas packed so full of goodness, I could have never seen it from the road before we arrived. We didn’t necessarily plan it to become a tradition, but giving the gift of experience might just be our new favorite part of Christmas.  Because, just like the North Dakota sign, I have a feeling this Christmas will be LEGENDARY…at least for 6 of us.

ABL